Monday, October 31, 2011

Nanny State Wannabe

From AZ Central, some busybody's swabbing the local McDonald's Playland:
when the play area was still dirty days later, she collected samples and paid to have them tested by a local laboratory. She was told they contained pathogens found in fecal material and mucus.

Weeks later and in combination with her summer vacations, Carr Jordan's filth-swabbing and bacteria-testing took her across six states and cost her about $5,000 for lab tests. She was the subject of articles and television shows, and she formed a non-profit corporation with a website called Kids Play Safe to spread the word and seek donations and grants for the tests and lobbying efforts.

Her goal is more government oversight of restaurant play areas, and she said she is frustrated by the lack of response when she shows agencies her lab results.

Kids drip from both ends? What a surprise. I had no idea.

So... why doesn't she get her own restaurant and create the cleanest play area in the world? I'm sure people would flock to it.

Or maybe they wouldn't, since most parents just say "whatever, this is why kids have immune systems."

Whatever the reason, there's no excuse for trying to bring the government's hammer down on a business you can simply choose not to patronize.

Meanwhile, nosy, go get a blog and complain about your bugaboos on the internet like a normal person.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Die Broke

When I was little, the neighbor kids built a home-made go-cart. Basically out of 2x4's, plywood, and a lawnmower engine. High cool factor (because it was the 70's, the internet didn't exist, and we were all bored), but low practicality.

40 years later, actual grown-ups are offering a vehicle with the same low practicality, but with a $10,500 price tag..

Really? 'Cuz I can buy 5 good used full-size sedans for that price and still have enough left over to buy the parts for a go-cart, plus pay a kid with a strong back to assemble it for me.

I wish these people a slow, painful bankruptcy.

Can't Let This One Slide

As a matter of state pride, I simply must insist that Wisconsin should be labeled "Serial Killers."

Candidate's Favorite Movies

The Washington Times has the list, and frankly, I find it disconcerting, at best.

Now, I'm gonna start off by giving Herman Cain a pass. He said "The Godfather", which was obviously just a reference to his days working for Godfather's Pizza. We don't really know what his favorite movie is. All we've done is confirm that he has a sense of humor, and we already know that.

Newt says "Casablanca". Really? That movie is horrid. I saw it once, and it's really just standard 40's fare. The dialogue is labored, the acting is wooden and the hero ends up with a cowardly Frenchman instead of the girl. Just garbage.

Bachmann says "Braveheart". I just watched this recently. What did she love? The gratuitous violence and gore? The ending torture scene? The painfully slow pacing? The hero dies. Not a good movie. She also picked "Saving Private Ryan", where a bunch of good men die (in a graphically gory way) to save one semi-good man. Not worth it. And I suspect Bachmann isn't either.

Santorum said "Field of Dreams". Really? I'm guessing this means Santorum has MAJOR daddy issues.

Paul didn't even pick one. Nuff said.

Gary Johnson: Dr. Zhivago. Long, boring, tragic, Russian. I wanted to kill myself after watching this movie. I suspect a Johnson presidency would have a similar effect.

Perry picked "Immortal Beloved". Let's see... the most brilliant composer Germany has ever produced, and this film twiddles on about his love life. So... Perry's good at missing the big picture? Is that what I'm to gather from this?

Mitt? He say "O Brother, Where Art Thou?" Really? A movie where a more-or-less random succession of events happens to a band of losers?

Then there's Obama: "Casablanca" (see above), Lawrence of Arabia (Western man goes native in a world of savage Muslims - oh please!), The Godfather (murderous mobsters?), and "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" - the main character is a pedophile who gets smothered after he has a lobotomy. One of the worst movies ever filmed.

Personally, I want my future President to pick "The Princess Bride." It's perfectly quotable, the wronged man gets revenge, and the hero gets the girl. Movies just don't get any better than that.

Seriously, if your favorite movie doesn't include the good guy winning, you probably don't have the right attitude to rule the greatest nation on earth.

Pipe-dream-wise, I'd like to hear "The Fountainhead" - hero wins AND gets the girl. Now THAT'S an all-American movie.

I'd settle for Cyrano de Bergerac with Jose Ferrrar - message: NEVER compromise your principles.

Or even "Galaxy Quest": "Never give up, never surrender."

Heck, that should be printed on our currency.

Friday, October 28, 2011

This Is Not Okay!

A couple of my long-lost Milk-Carton Blogkids saw my post about the people offended by "insensitive" Halloween costumes and made their own poster.

I think this makes the point better than I ever could.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Apple... Still Evil

Apple patented touching a touchscreen.

Now they're suing people over it.

And I thought the RIAA were soulless junkwagons.

[SBA day 69]

Wednesday, October 26, 2011


Michael Barone has it exactly wrong:
But I think Cain's current lead is evidence of a larger and longer-range trend that is both heartening and disturbing.

I call it the revolt against the experts.

It has been going on for a long time. In the years after World War II, when pollsters first started testing confidence in leaders and institutions, midcentury Americans expressed great confidence and respect for experts and those at the head of large organizations.
Confidence in leaders and respect for expertise fell in the years that gave us the Vietnam War, Watergate and stagflation. They're at a low point now, after years in which experts seemed to fail in Iraq and at home.


I like Herman Cain because he IS an expert.

At leadership.

At problem-solving.

At the free market.

What I'm revolting against is the establishment-class of meddling nanny-statists.

Reality Check

Some people are offended by "insensitive" Halloween costumes.

News flash: this is not who ANYBODY is. That's why it's called a "costume".

Thin-skinned wet-blanket morons.

[SBA day 68]

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

What Double Standard?

On Martin Luther King Day, serving chicken & waffles was considered racist:

Now, Obama stops by Roscoe's House of Chicken & Waffles for wings, waffles, & fries, and not even a twitch of the ol' journalistic eyebrow.

What's up with that?

Good thing he didn't have the cornbread.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Yes, I'm a Small, Petty Man

Much like Tribbles, babies don't seem to like Klingons, either.

[Jokeroo direct link]

Hat tip: Spockgirl

Off the Milk Carton

Bloggrandaughter Lee Ann of Lee Ann's View has started blogging again.

And yeah, as you can see by her first post, she's a traditionalist.

Back to the blogroll with ye.

PS By the way, sweetie, ditch the Echo comments NOW. Sorry to say, but there's no such thing as a decent third-party comment system anymore. However, Blogger's native comments have improved over the years and are now adequate.

Instructions here.

[SBA day 65]

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Just Figured This Out

Now I know why I like Herman Cain so much.

Watch him in ANY interview (like this rather contentious one with Piers Morgan, or this VERY contentious one with Lawrence O'Donnell): He doesn't stammer. He doesn't stutter. He doesn't say "uh". He doesn't say "um". There is silence between his words, and he's not afraid to let that silence hang while he pauses for thought. He is comfortable with this.

During that silence, you can tell he's choosing his words very carefully and very deliberately.

Then again, most politicians do, so, no big deal, right?

Here's the difference: every other politician I've ever seen chooses his words carefully to avoid saying something concrete that he can be held to later.

Herman Cain chooses his word carefully so that he's sure that what he's saying most accurately represents what he thinks.

Which, in a way, is also "covering his rear", because he believes everything he says, and if you try to call him out on it, he will defend it because he believes that, to the best of his ability to use language at the time, under those circumstances, what he said was true and accurate.

Most politicians strive for ambiguity. Herman Cain strives for precision.

[SBA day 64]

Friday, October 21, 2011

Opportunity Knocking

They're chasing a hawk with a nail through its head.
Red-tailed hawks are protected under federal law and harming one is punishable by up to six months in jail and a $15,000 fine, according to Elise Traub, outreach and policy manager for the Humane Society of the United States' Wildlife Abuse Campaign.

Personally, I say that any hawk that's dumb enough to get that close to a nailgun needs to be taken out of the gene pool before its stupidity infects the entire species, but that's not the point.

My question is, who gets that $15,000, and what does it get spent on? Because "you injured an animal that belongs to no one, so gimme money" sounds like a pretty sweet protection racket to get into. I'm tired of shaking down liquor stores, and I'm looking to branch out into new territory.

[SBA day 63]

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Ding! Ding! Ding!

We have a winner!
I'm taking bets: how long until some liberal mentions "minstrel shows" or suggests that [Herman Cain] should've done it in blackface?

From the New York Times:
"It makes the hair on my neck stand up," said Ulli K. Ryder, a visiting scholar at the Center for the Study of Race and Ethnicity in America at Brown University. "The larger issue that a lot of people have, and I certainly have, is that he uses a certain kind of minstrelsy to play to white audiences. Referencing negative stereotypes in order to get heard to a white audience in the 21st century is really a problem."

Nice one, you narrow-minded, racist piglicker.

Who had 3 days in the pool?

[SBA day 61]

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Compare and Contrast

"I think it’s time for others to step up" - Hillary Clinton, not running for VP.

"Can't someone else do it?" - Homer Simpson, running for Sanitation Commissioner.
An Open Letter to President Obama

Dear Mr. President

Buy short-sleeve shirts, because you look like a pandering fool with that "no tie, roll up the sleeves on my dress shirt" look.

You're not fooling anyone, because we know darn well that those soft, manicured hands of yours have never done an honest days' labor in your life.

[SBA day 60]

Monday, October 17, 2011

Didn't See That One Coming

Now that's creative thinking:

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #1,105,641)

[SBA day 59]

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Herman Cain in a Nutshell

From the Washington Times:
"To me he represents what Martin Luther King was talking about when he talked about his dream," Reginald Tooley, a 49-year-old physical therapist from Memphis, said. "With hard work and self-reliance you can do anything you want."


On a another subject, Earlier in the story, they mention that Cain sang "To Dream the Impossible Dream" to kill time when his sound system went out.

I'm taking bets: how long until some liberal mentions "minstrel shows" or suggests that he should've done it in blackface?

The Perfect Non-Sequitur

I can't believe people still say stupid things like this with a straight face:
with hundreds of millions of people living in poverty and going to sleep hungry all over the world, you’d think that others would forgo going for ridiculously expensive goods that are pretty much not worth the dollars they’re sold for.
To Hazel, the writer of this noisome dreck: drop out of school. Whoever's paying for your education is getting cheated horribly.

Wealth does not cause poverty.

[SBA day 58]

Saturday, October 15, 2011


Not sure how I feel about this one. I hate rap music, but I think find the rich, suburban, upper-class African-American take on it to be quite cleverly parodifying:

[YouTube direct link]

[SBA day 57]

Friday, October 14, 2011

Just Kidding Isn't an Excuse

Guy signs up at Catawba Valley Community College, gets credit card spam emails, and posts this on the CVCC's Facebook:
"Did anyone else get a bunch of credit card spam in their CVCC inbox today? So, did CVCC sell our names to banks, or did Higher One? I think we should register CVCC's address with every porn site known to man. Anyone know any good viruses to send them?"

Gets suspended for 2 semesters and banned from campus.

Now, the Foundation for Individual Rights in Education (FIRE) defends him thusly:
"The school has some explaining to do as to why (they) are so sensitive to what was honestly not a particularly harsh criticism."

Dude, it wasn't the criticism. It was the threat. And the fact that it was posted publicly. He got what he deserved.

People need to learn that the internet isn't your living room. It's a billboard in Times Square. Choose your words appropriately and live with the consequences.

Oh, and there should be a "delete" key somewhere in your email interface. Very effective at getting rid of spam.

[SBA day 56]

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Wednesday, October 12, 2011


From Your Black Politics:
"Herman Cain has become, in many ways, the perfect racist... The truth is that racism is typically most effective when you put a black face on it"
Yes, I'm sure the Atlanta chapter of the Klan would be proud to have Cain don a sheet at their next rally.

It's just sad to see an adult who views every single event in life through the warped and clouded lens of race.

[SBA day 54]

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

So What?

From Hot Air:
Since 1959, no Republican has gone on to win the presidency without earning at least 40 percent of the primary vote at this point in the race. Our top tier, meanwhile, is chronically mired in the mid to low 20s


First of all, we're in uncharted territory here. Obama is a disaster of unprecedented proportions.

Second, I recall that so many people thought the Dems were doomed in 2008, what with Hillary & Barack going at it hammer & tongs late into the summer, while the got-this-one-locked Republicans were smugly sitting safely on top of the ol' McCain juggernaut.

Statistics and precedent mean nothing next year.

Once the Big 3 finish duking it out, it'll be nothing but sunshine, smiles, and a united front going into November. Mark my words.

Monday, October 10, 2011

It's Not a Bug, It's a Feature

From The Hill:
"Herman Cain is definitely not one of the 'good' kind" of African-Americans, McWhorter wrote. "He's darker, less educated and less courtly than Obama, and he couldn't sound 'not black' at gunpoint. And yet he is currently a big hit among precisely the kind of white people who didn't vote for Obama. ... It would seem that his being black doesn't bother them much."
Mighty white of ya, McWhorter.

Fact is, I like Herman Cain BECAUSE he's black.

Or, more specifically, because he has dark skin.

It's like this - when someone I admire has a distinctive feature, I tend to consider it pleasant.

I liked Rollie Fingers' goofy handlebar moustache.

I liked Indiana Jones's fedora.

I would NOT like these features on some scummy, hipster, Occupy Wall Street protester.

You put a cowboy hat on Cain, I'd wanna buy the guy a beer.

Put a cowboy hat on Obama, I'd wanna dump that same beer on his head.

The book makes the cover.

What Facebookers Will Never Be

This is why I blog: to speak crazy to power:
Crazy people are constantly in conflict: with themselves, with the world, with the voices in their heads. Want to know why no one reads your blog? You’re boring. You’re not in conflict, or you have no ability to articulate your conflict, or, more likely, you’re unwilling to share your conflict. That makes you boring and cowardly. A blog isn’t something you write when you feel like it. It’s the digital representation of who you really are. No one wants to read a blog by a boring coward. Because no one wants to be a boring coward.


People like to say the internet makes us stupider. It doesn’t. It makes us all writers. What people chronically fail to understand is that writing is entertainment. We are 21st century entertainers, endlessly tap dancing for an audience we can neither see nor touch, all in hopes of getting something that used to sound like applause.

Only crazy people are willing to play this game, to keep dancing, praying for a fleeting moment they will be seen as they truly are, warped minds and all.
I've written some stuff in my life that made my hand tremble before I hit "post", but I ask my two questions before I make that fateful click:

1) Do I believe this is true?

2) Am I willing to stand behind and defend this truth?

I may have written things that have been of questionable taste, prudence, or humor, but I swear I will never toss a steaming load of overboiled cabbage onto the screen and claim it's ice cream.

[SBA day 52]

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Living Embodiment of the Second Amendment

I've mentioned before that I'm going through the old A-Team series on Netflix, and rather enjoying it.

At one point, I found myself wondering, "what are those funny grease-gun looking rifles they keep in the back of the van?".

While finding my answer (Ruger Mini 14 Stainless version with Folding stock), I stumbled across a page that lists every single gun used in the series.

Makes me appreciate how lucky I am to live in a country where this many types of guns exist, especially since this is only a tiny representative sample of the whole of the firearms industry.

God bless America, with extra God-blessing kudos to the 2nd Amendment.

The Movies Lied

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #2,887,242)

The most fascinating thing to me about this video is not that the CEO of a bullet-proof glass company sat behind his bullet-proof glass while an employee shot at him, it's the fact that EVERY Hollywood scene that included bullet-proof glass that I've ever seen depicts it happening with exactly zero damage to the glass.

I've never felt so betrayed.

Weird, But I Like It

I'm a fan of art that looks like stuff.

I never thought that "stacking up slabs of rock" would qualify as a medium that met this standard.

I thought wrong.

Meet Stephen Kettle, who stacks pieces of slate.

For example:

For Those Without Rubber Bands

I used to just throw all my cables, cords, adapters, and plugs into a drawer and call it good. Then at some point I got sick of rooting through the drawer like a meth-addled badger trying to find what I was looking for, and looped the things up all pretty and secured them with rubber bands.

The cardboard tube method looks to be equally effective, assuming you have the patience to collect enough cardboard tubes beforehand:

Via There, I Fixed It:

And I Thought Czech Disco Was a Mind-Blower

Inspired by this FML post, I present Heavy Metal ABBA:

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #70,165)

Title reference link

Homemade Mayonnaise

I watched this video and all I could think was... "or I could just buy a jar of Miracle Whip":

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #29,408)

[SBA day 50]

Friday, October 7, 2011

Pre-Pubescent Metallica

Ok, it's pretty much just a novelty act, but I'm very impressed by the way the girl holds her own playing a guitar that's almost bigger than she is (check the lead break about the 2:30 mark)

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #867,271)

The vocalist is just plain awful, though.

[SBA day 49]

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Just Me

So... I'm the only person on earth who hated Steve Jobs and every last substandard product Apple has made in the last 35 years?

UPDATE: Not just me. 10 reasons to hate Apple. I'm mostly all about 4, 6, 8, 9 & 10

More hate here.

UPDATE 2: Ok, just one more. He thought it was a good idea to make a phone - one of the most droppable objects ever invented by man - out of glass.

[SBA day 48]

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Construction Porn?

Yeah, they talk about it here. And there's some recommendations in the comments.

You want the real thing, though? Get your hands on the long-out-of-print "Calumet K" (currently avaiable free for Kindle, which is currently available free for PC). Construction-porn-wise, it makes "How It's Made" look like a Lego commerical.

If You Like Queen, You'll Like This

Growing up, I could always recognize Queen on the radio. Freddie Mercury has a very distinctive voice, and he was a very talented vocalist. You don't hear a lot of rock & rollers with that sort of operatic vibrato.

Point is, I know my Queen. So when I tell you that the difference between the studio recording and what this guy does is irrelevant, you can take that to the bank:

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #3,964,999)

For comparison.

[SBA day 47]

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

The Niggerheads the Media Doesn't Care About - UPDATED

Well, some folks are all up in arms about a rock that's had the word "Niggerhead" painted over for decades, and they're so upset that they won't even show a picture of it.

If it were a WMD, they'd be saying it never existed.

Still, I don't see them getting their panties bunched about:

Niggerhead tar soap

Niggerhead golf tees

Niggerhead oysters

Niggerhead tobacco

Niggerhead shrimp

Niggerhead stove polish

Or the slightly more famous Niggerhead rock.

Haven't heard a peep about Black-Eyed Susans, either. Or brazil nuts, for that matter.

My point?

Only that the term was once quite common, and Rick Perry didn't make it up on his own just to be racist. A point the media seems intent on omitting.

Context matters.

UPDATE 10-4-11 7PM:

As Jon Stewart points out, there are still a lot of places in America called Niggerhead.

[SBA day 46]

Monday, October 3, 2011

Thanks, Bill!

Bill Clinton just put together a winning campaign strategy for Republicans in 2012:
a simple narrative — that government is always the problem, there is no such thing as a good tax or a bad tax cut, there’s no such thing as a good program or a bad program cut, no such thing as a good regulation or a bad deregulation

I pray the GOP has the brains to hug it and pet it and squeeze it and call it George.

[SBA day 45]

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Public Service Annoucement

Via Demotivational:

Yes, I'm aware of the irony involved in posting this at Blogger, but at least here they treat you more like a fleece animal than a food animal.

I can stand being sheared. Not so interested in being slaughtered.

[SBA day 44]

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Michelle's Target Trip

So... the multi-millionaire pampered-princess First Lady had to PERSONALLY run out to Target to pick up... Lysol disinfecting wipes and Febreeze?

Apparently Consuela, the illegal Guatemalan White House maid, was too paranoid about getting swept up by Immigration to keep the cleaning supply closet properly stocked.

No... seriously... we're expected to believe Michelle does her own cleaning? Really?

Anyway, then there's her outfit.

Look, the only thing I know about women's outfits (which my wife had to teach me) is that to "coordinate", one article of clothing has to have at least one splotch of color that EXACTLY matches the color of another article. But if the splotch only ALMOST matches the color, then it "clashes", and you shouldn't wear it.

Her t-shirt is lime green. The closest her blouse gets is a yellow flower with dark green leaves. That's an almost. That's a clash. And I have no idea what in the world she thinks that purse matches. So we'll just chalk this up as yet another in a long line of Michelle Antoinette's fashion failures.

Peeling Garlic Made Easy

Don't know how many people use actual garlic cloves (I'm a big fan of the powdered, myself), but if you do, this tip on how to peel the ticklish scamps in 10 seconds might come in handy:

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #185,038)

[SBA day 43]