Saturday, December 29, 2012

Do I Have a Problem?

I emailed myself a link to a web page, and I made a minor typo in the subject line.

I corrected it.

Hi. My name is Harvey, and I'm a spelloholic.

Monday, December 24, 2012

I Can't Believe People Actually Like This Movie

Just finished watching "Rebel Without a Cause".

The dialogue was meandering and incomprehensible, and there was not a single likeable character in the film.

And James Dean's "incredible" performance appeared to consist largely of the sort of slow flopping on the ground that I generally associate with with weak, gasping, land-bound fish in their last 30 seconds of life.

What a downer.

Even Jim Backus in a flowery apron didn't cheer me up.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Wasn't Ignoring You

Turns out that somewhere around the beginning of the month, I accidentally marked one of my comment-notification emails as spam, and all the comment-notifications went into my spam folder after that.

I marked them as "not spam" now, so I hope that's the end of this madness.

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Close Enough

A year ago, Spockgirl posted about Viva Puffs, which sounded delicious.

Unfortunately, they're only available in Canada.

But while wandering the cookie aisle at my local supermarket today, I noticed something in the "weird foreign cookies" section of the cookie aisle:

Pure Chocolate Whippets:

Apparently they're the Quebec version of Viva Puffs (and made by the same company).

Anyway, I feel complete now.

Sunday, December 16, 2012

How to Fix Warped Tupperware, Rubbermaid, and Plastic Microwavable Food Container Lids

I'm very fond of Rubbermaid Premier food storage containers, mostly because - unlike my old plastic microwave containers, they don't stain when you heat tomato-based food in them.

[Not a paid endorsement. I honestly like the product. Pricey, but durable.]

But the other day, I heated up some food, but I didn't get to it for a while. Unfortunately, the food cooled off, created a vacuum in the container, and sucked the lid into a permanent reverse-convex shape.

Uh oh...

Taking a hint from this forum, I tried reversing the process by boiling water in the container with the lid on tight, hoping that the steam pressure would pop the lid back into shape.

Didn't work. Still reverse-convex.

However, the lid was still warm & pliable, so, as mentioned in the forum, I put a plate on it to press it back into shape, and then put something heavy on the plate.

I let it cool off, and now it's back to normal.

Hopefully it will work for you, too.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

6 Short Months to Freedom

Congratulations to all my friends in Illinois, who - in 6 short months - will FINALLY be able to join the rest of the civilized world in being allowed to defend themselves with concealed firearms.

[YouTube direct link]

Last One to Know

Am I the only person in the world that didn't know that cars have been using "black box" data recorders since 1990?
In May 2010, the Alliance of Automobile Manufacturers endorsed making EDRs mandatory in all vehicles, but expressed concerns that some in Congress wanted more elaborate and expensive ones than are available.

The devices have been in use for about 20 years.

GM began widely installing the predecessor version of today's event data recorders in vehicles in the 1990 model year, and they became standard equipment in light-duty vehicles in the 1995 model year.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Haven't Been This Sad Since My Dog Died

The USS Enterprise has been retired.

I spent 4 of the most... interesting... years of my life assigned to her (1987 to 1991).

From now on, no one new will know what that's like.


UPDATE: Good deal - CVN-80 will be named the USS Enterprise.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Light Posting Ahead

My wife asked me for a divorce.

I might not have much to say here for a while.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Now You Can Dip Your Waffle Fries at Chik-fil-A

[Gizmodo, via American Digest]

You thought those small condiment cups you get at fast food restaurants only held a thimble's worth of ketchup, right? You were wrong. Horribly, brutally wrong. Turns out you can fan them out, meaning you can dunk your fries by the fistful into a sea of crimson tomato deliciousness. Consider your life forever changed.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

At Least a Corn Dog Has a Nice Flavor Balance

From blogdaughter Boudicca of Boudicca's Voice, I offer this quote:
Me: What?! What's wrong with Weird Science? It's a Classic 80s movie!

Eric *turning to my boys*: Classic 80s? Guys. Listen to me. It's like ordering a corn dog and saying, "This is the best corn dog I've ever had". It's still... a corn dog.

Yeah, I get the point, and I'll probably be saying "It's still a corn dog" a lot from now on, because it DOES apply in a lot of situations.

But classic 80's movies?

Look, there's a lot to not like about the shallow, insipid pop-culture of that decade, but the movie scene wasn't one of them.

The 80's was that wonderful transition period right after Star Wars when whole new vistas of special effects were opening up. Green screen had cleaned up enough so there was no longer a fuzzy black outline around composite shots, and advances in robotics and latex-molding gave us actual convincing aliens & monsters instead of guys in rubber suits.

Nowadays, advances in CGI have made directors lazy.

Don't have a good script? Who cares. Just throw more pixel-clutter on the screen until the audience is too distracted to notice there's no story.

If your live-action movie is more computer-cartoon than live action, you're doing it wrong.

For a corn dog to work, it need both corn AND dog.

And a stick, too, I guess, but I'm not sure where that fits in the analogy.

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Microsoft Beats Up Apple, Steals Its Lunch Money

Via my blogless brother Tom, Microsoft is getting ready to launch its Surface tablet in October:

It features a seamlessly integrated kickstand that lets you rest the device on a table without an accessory, and Microsoft will offer two covers that double as keyboards to enable laptop-like usage.

Now, obviously I will still never buy one of these, because touchscreens are stupid, but I find it hilarious that those "geniuses" at Apple didn't think of the kickstand & keyboard/cover.

Of course, if I really want to type and control my screen's viewing angle, I'll just buy a laptop, but kudos to Microsoft for addressing two of the most glaring conceptual flaws that all tablets suffer from.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Fun Facts About the 50 States Is Now an E-Book

The complete e-book version of "Fun Facts About the 50 States" is now available at

If you don't have a Kindle, you can download free Kindle apps for your web browser, smartphone, computer, or tablet from

If you're cheap or broke, or just want to see if it's any good, the original blog posts are here, minus a few tweaks, proofreads & updates.

Monday, July 23, 2012

Yeah, This Is Where I Lived for 4 Years

[via There, I Fixed It]

In the Navy, this is your bed. It's about 2 by 2 by 6, and the mattress is about 2 inches thick.

You get used to it.

Outside of Mr. 6'11, tall guys usually just learned to sleep on their sides with their knees up.

On the bright side, even enlisted guys' bunks have the "flimsy blue curtain of pseudo-privacy."

Monday, July 16, 2012

Once a Bank Teller, Always a Bank Teller

[Via lolcats]

Most people look at this and see a cat and cash.

I check details.

There appears to be $570,000 here, assuming the cat's blocking a pattern.

The thickness of the stacks looks about right for 100 bills in each stack, although with only a few exceptions, you can't tell for sure that any of the bills in the stacks are actually $100s except for the top bill.

I see there's a small-portrait 100 in the collection. Most of those stopped circulating around the year 2000. I suspect the guy's been collecting for a while.

I see 3 piles that still have bank straps around them. Those aren't Federal Reserve straps. Those are after-market. And given the variety of colors & designs available, this makes me think that all three of those came from the same bank. And if you withdraw $10,000 or more in cash, the bank has to fill out a report to the IRS. I wonder if the guy knew about that when he got the money?

Strange that the guy's OCD made him have all the portraits facing the same direction, yet the 3 bank-strapped packs aren't in the same row or touching.

The single rubber bands aren't very tight, since the packs don't curl. This money is wrapped for storage, not transportation.

So I'm thinking this guy's a hoarder who's been saving up for a while. Probably to buy a $570,000 house with cash. Thus the picture, so as to mark the accomplishment of his goal.

If he were just hoarding cash, he'd have taken the pic at a round number, like $600,000. Or more likely $500,000. And Mr. OCD definitely wouldn't have added that last row of 7 packs unless the number were significant.

Friday, July 13, 2012

I Miss These

Sorry guys - cardboard just doesn't keep burgers warm.

Also it doesn't dissolve in gasoline.

[Via Ward World, who waxes angry, profane, and nostalgic on the changes at McDonald's over the years]

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

More Ethnic Groups Should Be Cool Like This

From National Journal:
The lobbying and policy shop Strategic Health Care is hosting a "White Trash Reception on the Hill" next week.
So whaddya think, is the white trash party a fun idea or over the top?


Wish some of the professional victim gangs out there had a sense of humor well-developed enough to laugh at their own stereotypes.

Friday, July 6, 2012

I Agree, This Should Count As a Superpower

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #41,735)

I should know, I hand-sewed a teddy bear for my girlfriend once. Took me MONTHS.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Thanks for Being Honest

DNC Chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz [emphasis mine]:
When it came to championing the health care legislation, President Obama made sure that al though everybody -- the vast majority of Americans have health insurance coverage, we want to make sure that if you're a free rider, if you roll the dice and get sick and use the emergency room as your primary access point for health care. Those health care costs are going to get shifted to all of us. And if you choose not to carry health insurance, this legislation says you're going to pay a small penalty so that we don't have to pay for you rolling the dice.
Wrong answer, Debs.

You're not just penalizing emergency room users who refuse to pay their bills, you're penalizing EVERYONE, whether they pay their bills or not.

Thursday, June 28, 2012


No matter what, part of the country will be breathing a sigh of relief, and part will be gasping in horror.

I hope to be in the sighing half.

UPDATE: Well, the Supreme Court upheld the Obamacare individual mandate. Guess I'm in the gasping half.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

I Can't Wait Until This Is Me

[via Large Size Paintings]

Except I'd have a shotgun across my lap to chase teenagers off my lawn with.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Yeah... Just Awful...

The Week panics over Acxiom, a company in Arkansas that collects and sells data about people:
"If you are an American adult," says Singer, "the odds are that it knows things like your age, race, sex, weight, height, marital status, education level, politics, buying habits, household health worries, vacation dreams - and on and on." It does more than collect that information, though. It uses it to pigeonhole people into one of 70 very specific socioeconomic clusters in an attempt to predict how they'll act, what they'll buy, and how companies can persuade them to buy their products. It gathers its data trove from public records, surveys you've filled out, your online behavior, and other disparate sources of information, then sells it to banks, retailers, and other buyers.
So... for only the tiniest, marginal, indirect cost on my part, this company makes sure that thousands of retailers only bother me with ads for things I might actually have need of, or at least be interested in, instead of bombarding me with random garbage I don't care about?

Absolute monsters, the lot of them...

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

I Was in the Navy, So I Can Get Away with This

United States Armed Forces Cross-Service Terms Primer

Full disclosure - the best boss I ever had was former Air Force Special Ops, so I endorse the chops-busting at the link with all due love & respect.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

The Many Uses of Hmmm

Although I use this particular 4-letter word a lot in my writing, I never really think of it as a word in my head. However, as this article points out, it's got 4 different meanings, depending on pitch:
Spoken with a rising intonation: "I didn't understand — say again?"

Prolonged, with ample m's: "I'm thinking deeply about what you said."

High-pitched: "Yes, maybe — good idea!"

Uttered quickly and at a lower register: "I am dubious."
Oddly, I didn't realize they were right until I tried them all out.

Pretty cool.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Better Plan

Obama wants to spend hundreds of millions of dollars so that corner stores in ghettos will stock fresh fruits & vegetables.

Which no one wants to buy.

Which will rot on the shelves and be thrown away.

Why not save some money and be more efficient? Just buy fresh produce and throw it right in the dumpster. Probably cut costs at least 40%

Friday, June 8, 2012

If This Works, I May Finally Stop Hating on Tablets and Smart Phones

A touchscreen that turns on-screen keys into actual bumps on the screen so that you can feel them.

I'm a touch-typer, so I need that tactile feedback.

Now they just need to solve the problem of letting the device know that I don't actually want to type "asdfjkl;" - I'm just resting my fingers on the home-row keys.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Wait... What?

From a profile on a Connecticut commie:
she has played an active role in the broad labor and people's alliance that defeated the ultra-right in the 2008 elections and continues to mobilize for health care, worker rights and peace

How does one "mobilize for peace"?

Do you gather an angry mob together with torches and pitchforks in order to peacefully sit around putting marshmallows on the pitchforks and roasting them over the torches?

Or is this a bland euphemism for threatening mob violence on the properties of various businesses unless they pay protection money (aka the "peace mobilization fee")?

Monday, June 4, 2012

How to Make Scrat Very Sad

Tell him he missed out on this:

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #195,994)

Monday, May 28, 2012

Memorial Day Thought

The best way to thank the fallen today is to accept the gift they gave you and live your life like a free man in a free country.

A gift isn't a gift if you leave it in the box. Take it out and use it.

How to Ruin A Video

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #617,666)

Have a guy do an interesting and intricate act involving speed, skill, and dexterity, and then every time he does something cool, splice in footage of some slack-jawed judge, hostess, or audience member gawking at him.

Otherwise no one will know how impressed they should be by what they're seeing.

Wow... and I thought fake laugh tracks were annoying.

How to Succeed at Anything

From Approach Anxiety, the author wrote this specifically about approaching women, but I can't help noticing that it has more universal applications:
Fail. Fail again. Fail differently. Fail better. Fail harder. Fail quicker. Fail smarter. Fail clearer. Fail funnier. Fail badly. Fail well. Fail painfully. Fail on purpose. Fail by accident. Fail and learn. Fail without learning. Fail in the cold. Fail in bookstores. Fail in malls. Fail on the train. Fail on Valentine's Day. Fail your friends. Fail your family. Fail yourself. Fail everyone. Fail society. Fail again. Fail when you thought you were done failing. Fail and feel good. Fail and feel bad. Fail and wonder where you are going. Fail and know. Fail and feel sick. Fail and get embarrassed. Fail and hate yourself. Fail and love yourself. Fail and get hurt. Fail and get rejected. Fail when you didn't think you could fail. Fail and face your fear. Fail and get past your fear. Fail and find more fear.
And that's just for starters...

Why are you still reading this? Go fail at something.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Open Minded

After years of skepticism, I've finally accepted the fact that hot water makes better ice cubes.

What Bob Said

From BYTE:
I have never wanted a Facebook page. I like --- treasure --- the fact that I have lost contact with people I didn't like much in high school, or the first office I worked in, or I met once on a bus thirty years ago. It would frighten me to be suddenly invaded by those people. They are mixed memories, the way God planned them to be. And I am to them. Why drag around the emotional corpses of a lifetime?

If I wanted to talk to the dead, I'd hire a medium.

Friday, May 25, 2012

Slinky on a Treadmill

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #1,219,034)

At first, I thought, "ok, this is kinda cool, but there's no way I'm gonna stay interested for over 3 minutes."

Well, turns out that, since the slinky kinda wanders all over the treadmill due to the vagaries of physics, I not only stayed interested, I found myself actually ROOTING for the little guy when he'd get too close to the edges.

"comeoncomeoncomeon YOU CAN DO IT!"

So I'm thinking this video might be sort of a Rorschach Test to see whether you prefer to see people succeed or fail.

So... are you "Team Walk" or "Team Fall"?

Only Fools Believe in the Foolproof

From BBC:
"If I were empress of the Universe I would insist on every individual having a unique ID permanently attached - a barcode if you will; an implanted chip to provide an easy, fast inexpensive way to identify individuals.
Anonymity would be impossible as would mistaken identity making it easier to place responsibility accurately"

A few things:

* She's obviously never seen the movie "Gattaca". There's no security system that can't be over-ridden, hacked or foiled, because a security system has to defend against ALL attacks. Attackers only have to get past one weakness.

* Mistaken identity impossible? HA! Some human being has to have access to the database, which means that some human being can screw something up, either unintentionally, or with malice aforethought.

* That last phrase is very telling - "place responsibility accurately." It's a pretty safe bet that she intends to be the one in charge of what gets placed on whom, and with a well-carved-out responsibility exemption for herself.

For the good of the system, of course.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Take That, GEICO!

Gecko vs. teflon:

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #34,997)

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Battleship Warning

According to my most trusted movie review guy, don't bother showing up until the last 20 minutes.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Good Enough Reason for Me

This caught my eye.
JetBlue Airways released a statement late Thursday afternoon and cited "a computer glitch" as the reason behind the removal of an 18-month-old girl from a flight leaving Fort Lauderdale on Tuesday night.

The toddler and her parents were asked to get off the plane after they had just boarded the flight to Newark, N.J.
"We were put on display like a circus act because my wife wears a hijab," the baby's father said, adding that he thought his family was being profiled because they're of Middle Eastern descent.
Considering what people of Middle Eastern descent did, there's a reason to profile you.

If I walk into a bank wearing a ski mask, I probably shouldn't expect a friendly greeting, even if I'm doing it in Minnesota in the dead of winter when it's 50 below.

Fact is, EVERYONE profiles you, Mr. Middle Eastern Descent. They're just too polite to say anything. This sucks. Just like it sucked to be of Japanese or German or Italian descent in WWII.

There's never a good time to look like the enemy during a war.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

I Really Hope This Is Just Me

Does that look like Obama herding people into a giant furnace?

Releasing My Inner Luddite

Call me old-fashioned, but it chafes me that internet software keeps giving me more and more pictograms to interface with, and fewer and fewer menus with actual words.

Couple more years, we'll be building pyramids and worshiping cats.

Can't Say No

I just really like the eyes in this picture.

If that were my daughter and she asked me for a pony, I'd be out back building a stable right now.

Friday, May 11, 2012


Been a long time since I birthed a blogchild, but after a lot of prodding and arm-twisting, I'm finally privileged to introduce:

Hunter of Atomic Monkey Action Squad

Let's peel back the blue blankie & see what we've got:

Traditional sucky first post - Sadly, I've seen worse. He actually establishes his blog theme and runs with it. Oh well, they can't all be lousy.

A very nice tribute to his father - and the lessons he learned from the man.

A link to IMAO - a tiny little post like that normally wouldn't be worth mentioning, but this particular post he links at IMAO was a brilliantly inspired piece of work that he asked me to post for him. After reading it, I knew I couldn't let him stay a mere commenter for the rest of his life. Writing talent like that need to be placed on a hill to shine for all to see, not hidden in the dungeon of other people's comments.

Another link to IMAO - more good writing that I posted for him, just to build his blogger street cred.

The Zombie Apocalypse is the Best Case Scenario - He's not kidding. Well, he is, but... well, once you read it, you'll find yourself agreeing.

The Parable of the Talents, 2012 - the last thing I posted for him at IMAO. From now on, he posts his own goodies.

Anyway, Hunter, you can pick up a Bad Example Family logo from this post, if you wish, for display in your sidebar. Like everything else in blogging, it's completely optional.

Meanwhile you can look forward - with either anticipation or dread - to occasional visits and comments from me.

Welcome home.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

I Hate This, But for a Different Reason

Obama on gay marriage:
When I think about those soldiers or airmen or marines or sailors who are out there fighting on my behalf and yet feel constrained, even now that Don't Ask Don't Tell is gone, because they are not able to commit themselves in a marriage
This statement is angering a lot of people, and rightly so.

Some people hate the "fighting on my behalf" line.

Some people hate that Obama's now openly supporting gay marriage.

I hate that Obama cares that military folk feel "constrained" because "they are not able to commit themselves in a marriage."

For 6 years in the Navy, you know what made me feel constrained? Cramped quarters, uniforms, inspections, lousy food, and working conditions that were measured on a scale of uncomfortable-to-unsafe.

Oh, and every word in the UCMJ.

Yeah, it was all pretty much a style-cramper from day 1.

But I volunteered, so anyone that feels sorry for me is an idiot.

Looking your way, Mr. President.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Private Means Not in Public

The Daily Mail frets about surveillance cameras that can actually zoom in to what you're doing on your smart phone.
As part of extensive police monitoring during the tournament, camera operators scanned the spectators looking for suspicious looking packages and aggressive behaviour.

They then chose to zoom in on one man who was texting - although it turned out he was simply writing about the poor quality of the rugby match.

Experts warned the fact that the cameras were able to do this raises concerns about breeches of individual's privacy.

You get no sympathy from me.

If you're in public, don't do things you don't want other people to see.

Monday, May 7, 2012

I'm Going to Die Happy

A list of the 5 most common regrets of dying men.

Don't care.

What I care about is "how many people's lives did I touch and make better?"

I've got blogkids. Some quit, but they all LIVED, because of me.

I'm good.

Speaking of which...

Eh. It's late. I'll tell ya tomorrow.

Friday, May 4, 2012

I Just Want Freedom From YOU, Mr. President

Obama brags about how he would interfere with a woman's life from cradle to grave at someone else's expense.

Please, just leave her (and me) alone.

At the very least, let me sign up to opt out of all this nanny-state rigamarole. I won't pay in, you won't pay out, and I can get my liberty back.

Is that really so much to ask?

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

The Media Are Idiots

Admittedly, this news story is from a greasy British tabloid, but I've seen this same sentiment expressed by supposedly-responsible media outlets, too:
Technology-addicts regularly go 48 hours without speaking to anyone in person, a study has found.

A significant three per cent of adults fall into a so-called ‘digitally dominant’ group which will mainly communicate via text, email or video calls.

It suggests technology – from smartphones to iPads – is helping to kill off physical and social interaction among those obsessed with the devices.

What kills me is the picture and caption for this story:

The guy is holding an animated conversation with two other people.

Yeah. Isolated.

This whole notion is fallacious. E-mail is human interaction. Phone calls are human interation. Face-to-face is human interaction.

I'm still going with this sentiment:

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Obama Trying to Create Master Race

The President talking to the troops:
"Gentlemen, for the gentlemen out there, who are not yet married, let me just explain to you, your goal is to improve your gene pool by marrying somebody who is superior to you."

No, you should marry a woman who makes you want to be a better man, and supports the efforts you make toward that end.

The way Obama phrased it makes him sound like he's breeding livestock.

Monday, April 30, 2012


Michelle Obama has everything she's ever wanted, and now she complains that she doesn't like it.
"It is hard to sneak around and do what you want," Michelle Obama said today. "I have done it a couple of times. But you know one fantasy I have, and the Secret Service they keep looking at me because they think I might actually do it, is to walk right out the front door and just keep walking."

So, you're a millionaire living in a mansion, your kids are going to private school, you have chefs and chauffers, and you're cranky because you can't "do what you want."

Guess you should've married a man who earns a good living working an honest job instead of lampreying onto a politically ambitious community organizer.

Bed. Made. Lie down.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

I'm on Team Teacher

Via Winning at Everything:

[Full story here]

The important thing to take away here is that the kid didn't do his homework.

I say it's perfectly ok for the teacher to shame him and make him feel horrible so that it doesn't happen again.

There's nothing wrong with attaching a negative outcome to negative behavior.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Smartest Man in the World?

From Fox:
one GOP congressman said federally subsidized student loans have helped give the country "the equivalent of the stage three cancer of socialism."

"What do you mean? What are you talking about?" Obama exclaimed.

So... the government completely nationalizes the entire student loan industry, and Obama pretends he doesn't understand how that can be labeled socialism?

His playing dumb would be cute if he weren't also playing with our future.

If Only Everyone Would Ride Public Transportation

I don't know if Obama's still on his "high-speed rail" kick, but it used to be his thing for a while.

Here's the downside that he never mentioned. You get hundreds of people stuck together for a long time, it's a candy store for pickpockets.

It's so bad in NYC that they want a special prosecutor JUST for subway crimes.

Think about that next time you hear Obama banging on about his "intercontinental railroad."

Thursday, April 26, 2012

What an Honor

Al Gore is being inducted into the Internet Hall of Fame because:
"Gore was one of the first government officials to recognize that the Internet’s impact could reach beyond academia to fuel educational and economic growth as well."

So... he was the first moron in government to figure out what everyone in the private sector already knew.

Must be a thrill to be named the brightest kid on the short bus.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Feeling Petty

Everyone wants to make fun of this picture because of the shocked-looking white chick.

I'm a little cranky tonight, so I'm going to list what I hate about Obama in this picture:

His tie has a half-windsor knot. Real men use full.

His tie isn't tight to his collar. Wear it right or take it off.

Roll down your sleeves. You look like a rube. I mean, it's not like you're planning on doing any work that might dirty up those soft, pretty little woman-hands.

Belt buckle's crooked. Should be directly above the fly.

Speaking of the fly, who ties your ties? Because it's about 5 inches too long.

Monday, April 23, 2012

So Wrong

Some liberal twit said the whole "Obama ate a dog" kerfluffle is because some people "want to pretend that this president is an alien creature."

No... it's because...

Obama ate a dog!

Then mentioned it in a book like it was perfectly normal.

Wake up, you obtuse moron - HE ATE A FREAKING DOG!

If you don't know what's wrong with that, you're not qualified to comment on American culture.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

To Andy, On His Blog Retirement

Everyone wants to hang it up sometimes.

That's fine.

Whatever you do, though, don't delete your blog.

Things change. Including minds.

Besides, I *guarantee* at some point you'll want to find an old post you wrote.

Friday, April 20, 2012

Probably Just Me

When I get this back-of-the-card design in Windows Solitaire:

It makes me wonder if the real design was something indecent that they had to blur out with pixelation.

Fair! Fair! Fair!

I'm sick to death of "fairness":
There remains a role for government to give everybody a "fair shot," Obama said.

Just give me liberty.

I'll make my own fairness.

Magic With New Parts of the Spectrum

Researchers are saying they've invented a new microchip that will allow user to see through walls by "tapping into an unused range in the electromagnetic spectrum."

Anyone else ever read Robert Heinlein's "Sixth Column"?

I'm Not Trusting This One, Either

The CBO is predicting that food stamp use will continue to rise slightly until 2014, then start falling.

Puts me in mind of Obama's famous prediction about unemployment:

Remember, if government workers could predict the future, they'd be putting that talent to use making money in the stock market.

Don't rely on a word they say about the future.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Better Than Star Trek Voyager

Cats in Space:

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #111,034)

My Inevitable Fate

Sheldon Comics explains what will happen to me after I die.

Firefox Running Slow? YouTube Videos Hang or Freeze?

UPDATE: 2 days later, Firefox is running poorly again, so this was not the solution to my problem


Found a site that explains how to fix it with a minimum of fuss:

Just create a new profile.

Basically it has the same rejuvenating effect as a re-install, but it's completely reversible.

The downside:

1) Having to reinstall all my add-ons/extensions

It may help to jot down which versions of those you're currently running, so if you have an older version of Firefox, you can search for a version of the add-on that will work with it. I had to poke around a bit to find a version of Adblock Plus that worked with FF 3.6.9

2) Having to re-enter all the logins & passwords that I relied on Firefox remembering for me, and which I've long since forgotten. Fortunately, I have them all written down elsewhere, so I'll get by.

Also, you can find them by going to the Firefox menus: Tools>Options>Security>Saved Passwords. I just forgot to do it.

On the bright side, I can just open up my old profile and get them, then switch back.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

This Piece Needs a New Title

It's Called "100 Greatest Cooking Tips (of all time!)"

Here's the problem. There's a lot of trendy, neo-cookster hucksterism mixed in. Stuff that didn't even exist before the self-absorbed-to-the-point-of-being-Möbius-sponges Powers-That-Be at Food Network made it their life's mission to pretend out loud that cooking is an extreme sport, like BASE-jumping or skiing down a mountainside after jumping out of a helicopter.

Although you do get timeless, smart advice like:
3. Store spices in a cool, dark place, not above your stove. Humidity, light and heat will cause herbs and spices to lose their flavor.

You also get smug elitist condescension like this:
4. Use a coarse Microplane to shave vegetables into salads or vinaigrettes. You can create an orange-fennel dressing by adding grated fennel and orange zest to a simple vinaigrette.

Coarse Microplane? Shaving vegetables? Fennel?

Yeah, just like Grandma's kitchen.

Look, it's not a bad list, really, but I just wanted to warn you that you'll occasionally run into pockets of that "it's perfectly natural for meals to cost $100 a plate" stink.

Friday, April 13, 2012

Next Time, Just Stop at 100

There's this stupid cliche where people who give their all during an activity describe it as "giving 110%".

Joyless nitpickers (including me) enjoy pointing out that by definition it's impossible to give more than 100%.

Lately, though, I've been hearing more and more people doubling down on stupid and talking about "giving 120%"... because obviously people who give merely 110% are just lazy, slacking, slobs.

Well, I'm getting ahead of the curve.

From now on, I will give pi.

Which is upwards of 314%

Take that, you nap-taking, layabout couch-potatoes who are only giving e.

Asking the Right Question

Biden in New Hampshire:
"The Romney Rule says the very wealthy should keep the tax cuts and loopholes they have, and get an additional, new tax cut every year that is worth more than what the average middle class family makes in an entire year," he will say.

My question: "How does the government spending their money make me better off than if they spent it themselves?"

Really Bad at Math

The people running Seattle have the weirdest fantasies.

Like the one where they go from picking up trash weekly to once every 2 weeks:
Switching to every-other-week garbage collection would save the city about $6 million a year, officials say, while reducing neighborhood truck traffic and potentially keeping an additional 1,400 tons of waste a year out of the landfill.

Apparently one plus one somehow equals something less thas two in their universe.

I mean really. Less trash in the landfill? Because you don't pick it up as often?

If so, it will only be because frustrated homeowners - who feel cheated out of their tax money because you no longer provide the very basic service of weekly trash collection - will start dumping it in the lobby of City Hall.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Yes, Let's Go With This Standard

PBS described George Zimmerman as "white," justifying it because he has a white father and a Latina mother.

Still waiting for them to describe Obama as "America's 44th white president."

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Best Reason to Support Mitt Romney

From John Hawkins:
Obama is throwing the country off of a cliff and when you're plunging into a bottomless chasm, you can't get too picky about which branch you grab on the way down.

Friday, April 6, 2012

Obama Dumps High Speed Rail in Favor of High Speed Rotary Phones

(cross-posted from IMAO)

Meme-Tag: About Me

Bloggranddaughter VW Bug of One Happy Dog Speaks tagged me, so I shall answer:

Your questions:

1. What's your favorite color?


2. If you get a plane ticket for free to go wherever you'd like - where would your final destination be?

San Francisco. I spent a couple years in the Navy stationed in Alameda, right across the Bay. Lots of fun & interesting touristy things to do & see in San Fran. It's a great place, as long as I don't have to discuss politics with anyone I meet.

3. Is there anything in your life you always wanted to do and never had the chance to?

Visit Australia. I like the accent, and I feel a kinship with the nation, since they, too, are a former British colony filled with the descendants of the wretched refuse tossed on their shore.

4. Which one is your favorite movie classic? (Let's say: Older than 20 years)

"The Princess Bride". SO quotable. Although I'm a bit depressed to realize it's a "classic" now, since I originally paid good money to see it in a theater.

5. If you were blond - would you mind the blonde-jokes (and of course if you ARE blonde - do you mind them?)

Nah. I'd just roll with it. I'm pretty easy-going

6. What is it that always and 100% certain makes you laugh?

Not a lot. But "Community" has a pretty darn good batting average.

7. Where do you usually buy your clothes?

Goodwill. Better selection than most department stores, and my fashion sense is questionable, at best, anyway.

8. Does wind bother you or do you like it?

Mostly it bothers me. I have naturally unruly hair, so even though I keep it short, one good breeze and I look like I just got back from Albert Einstein's barber. And I refuse to use "product".

9. What is it that you dislike about high school reunions?

The fact that some people think they're a good idea.

10. Are you a cat or dog person?

Cats. They purr, they relieve themselves in one spot, and if you leave them for a week with a bowl of water and a bucket of food, they'll still be alive when you get home. I've had dogs, too, but after picking up Horse-Dog Jake's gigantic piles for 12 years, I'm ok being dogless.

11. Can movies make you cry and if yes - when was the last time you cried in a movie theater or in front of the TV?

Yes, and somewhere during "Act of Valor".

Now, to pick the traditional three tagees:

Professor Hale of Rebellion University

Andrew of Magniflorious Phule

Calvin of Voices Inside My Head

Apple is Finally Mainstream

So... you make a good product, and now sociopathic idiots are dedicating their lives to ruining the experience of random strangers who use your product?

Welcome to Microsoft's world.

Need me to get a stepstool so you can dismount your high horse?


From the People Who Brought You Obamacare

Jay Carney, it makes me sick that these words can come out of your mouth and you can still sleep at night:
You know that the only way in modern day Washington to achieve a significant budget compromise is when both parties are willing to work together. That doesn't mean a unanimous Republican vote in the House or a unanimous Democratic vote in the Senate. It means coming together in a balanced way on a balanced approach. The president and Democratic leaders have demonstrated their willingness to embrace a balanced approach that the American people overwhelmingly support.

Funny, when Obamacare was on the line, it was all "we gotta push this through immediately to solve this urgent crisis," and not peep one about the kumbaya of bipartisanship.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Write 100 Times: I Will Not Pass Unconstitutional Laws

From Fox News: Judges order Justice Department to clarify Obama remarks on health law case

Loved this part:
Smith ordered a response from the [Department of Justice] within 48 hours. The related letter from the court, obtained by Fox News, instructed the Justice Department to provide an explanation of "no less than three pages, single spaced" by noon on Thursday.

So... anybodye else picturing Bart Simpson writing on the chalkboard during the opening credits of "The Simpsons"?

NBC Apologizes for Editing Zimmerman Call

(Cross-posted from IMAO)

President Obama's 12 Toughest Decisions

(cross-posted from IMAO)

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Because It's Realistic

Via Very Demotivational

If you're going to be a hero, you need physical strength and mental discipline.

20-somethings are strong, but unfocused.

40-somethings have excellent concentration, but their bodies are deteriorating.

30-somethings find the sweet-spot of the combination.

Rare exceptions on both ends, but having watched all 27 episodes of Ninja Warrior, the theory seems to be borne out.

The "white" part is just being realistic about the target market.

26 Movie Monsters

With "monster" loosely defined.

[Vimeo direct link]

Thought I was doing fine, then I missed "I".

Doing well again, and missed O, Q, R, U, & X.

Little help? Or at least a link to an answer key?

Remind Me Not to Drive in Orlando

A 93-year-old woman finally stopped driving her 1964 Mercury Comet Caliente after putting 576,000 miles on it.

Why? Well the car's fine, but:
"I am legally blind, so I can no longer drive my lovely Chariot," she said by phone. "They don’t have to take it away, I would not dream of driving that car again."
she last drove on March 9. The following day, her worst fears were confirmed when she couldn't read large headlines in the newspaper, the result of years of deteriorating vision."

Defensive driving, folks.

Always & everywhere.

Because the other driver might be blind.

Monday, April 2, 2012

Total Recall Reboot

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #353,259)

I actually kinda liked the version Arnie did in 1990.

Now I watch this trailer and think, "oh, look. A darker, grittier reboot of a good movie, now with superfluous CGI and more comic-book physics."

I miss real, physical special effects. I swear that splattering ketchup on "dead" guys who are still breathing breaks the mood less than the 50 tons of sparkly twinkle-pixels that every movie feels obligated to cram in these days.

Sunday, April 1, 2012


I expect broadcast journalists to have a liberal bent. I expect them to slant and massage stories to a certain degree. I take everything they say with a grain of salt, and other than wishing they'd admit they've got an agenda for the sake of honesty, I'm really ok with it. Free speech is a wonderful thing.

But then there's flat-out lying.

That's not cool:
NBC has revealed that it is launching an internal investigation into the “editing process” surrounding the conversation between George Zimmerman and a police dispatcher (shortly before Trayvon Martin was shot), where Zimmerman appears to volunteer racial information.

Exposed by Fox News and Newsbusters, NBC played the conversation on the “Today Show” as: “This guy looks like he’s up to no good. He looks black.”

The unabridged version is:

Zimmerman: This guy looks like he’s up to no good. Or he’s on drugs or something. It’s raining and he’s just walking around, looking about.

Dispatcher: OK, and this guy — is he black, white or Hispanic?

Zimmerman: He looks black.

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Quick Question

I've been posting some awesome stuff at IMAO lately.

Do I need to start cross-posting it here, or do you guys already go there?

Friday, March 30, 2012

How to Get Tomato Soup Out of the Can

Via There, I Fixed It, this is pure brilliance right here. If you've ever made canned tomato soup, you need to watch this:

[Vimeo direct link]

AP Wins Oxymoron of the Year

Yahoo News:
WASHINGTON (AP) — President Barack Obama's plea to Congress to end $4 billion in tax subsidies to oil companies was rebuffed Thursday as the Senate turned back a Democratic bill to repeal the tax breaks.

Subsidies are when the government cuts you a check. Tax breaks are when you cut the government a smaller check. The terms are not synonymous.

Fire the editor who approved that.

The Constitution's Imagination Clause

From Fox News, Democrat Congressman Rob Andrews explains why the Commerce Clause applies to people who aren't engaging in commerce, i.e. not buying health insurance.
"But when someone's in commerce anyway because they use the hospital emergency room if the need arises... the person's in commerce already"

That's right - he just said you're engaging in commerce because he can imagine you might someday.

Yeah, this is one of the sooper-genius typewriter-monkeys that wrote Obamacare.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Obama's Lawyers Are Insane

Because they can talk about Obamacare's "provision that says everyone has to carry insurance," then in the very next breath claim "we're not forcing you to buy a product."

Really not sure how these monsters sleep at night.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Chopsticks for White People

Via There, I Fixed It

I would totally use these.

Or at least I would, if my people hadn't already invented the fork.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Cake For One

From Now That's Nifty.

(Normally I'd just link this, but just in case NTN ever goes away, I want to have this handy)

Recipe for "3, 2, 1 Cake:"


1 box - Angel Food Cake Mix
1 box - Cake Mix (Any Flavor)
2 Tbsp - Water


In a zip-lock bag, combine the two cake mixes together and mix well.

For each individual cake serving, take out 3 Tablespoons of the cake mix combination and mix it with 2 Tablespoons of water in a small microwave-safe container.

Microwave on high for 1 minute, and voila - enough cake just for you.

Always remember, that one of the cake mixes MUST be Angel Food. The other can be any flavor. The Angel Food is the cake mix that has the eggs whites in it.

Yield: 1 serving

This recipe is called 3, 2, 1 Cake because all you need to remember is: 3 tablespoons mix,
2 tablespoons water, 1 minute in the microwave.

Wonder if this would work with brownie mix?

Testing If the Eyes Are the Window to the Soul

I don't want to mock, because this really was an interesting experiment:
[Researchers] designed their experiment after a conversation in which they discussed intuitively feeling as if their consciousnesses were "located" near their eyes, and that objects seemed closest to them when near their eyes. "We set out to test whether this was a universally shared intuition,"

But... 2 things.

1) The eyes are the only sense organs that both move and have a small, specific location, so there may be some bias here.

2) Nobody bothered asking blind people where they thought the soul was located.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Marketing Gimmick

Every day I hear of some new product with the word "smart" in its name.

In my head, I just replace it with the word "smug". It seems more accurate.

Think about it next time you're stuck in line behind some woman sipping Smug Water while talking too loudly on her Smug Phone.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012


Unbelievable shenanigans in Florida:
A local atheist organization made a splash on Saturday when they symbolically washed away a blessing placed on a major highway into the county one year ago.
As a non-evangelical atheist, I would like to condemn these actions. They do not speak or act for me.

And I certainly don't understand the point of what they did.

If atheism is right, then the blessing was meaningless, and they washed away nothing.

If atheism is wrong, God will give precedence to the original blessing over their childish antics, and they washed away nothing.

All they accomplished was wasting time and clean water while pointlessly annoying people who never did them any harm.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Off the Milk Carton

Long-lost blogdaughter Tammi (formerly and again of Tammi's World) is back blogging again.


Go on over & give her some chick talk.

I Learned Something

That removing Haloscan/JS-Kit/Echo comments from new & improved Blogger XML-based templates is more complicated than dumping it from the old HTML templates.

Thanks to Kelly of The Lady in the Pew for offering me the opportunity to help continue to remove this scourge from the blogosphere.

Unlock Your Car Door With A Shoelace

This is actually somewhat similar in principle to what the tow truck guy did last time I called AAA for help getting my car door unlocked - pry the door open a crack & hook it:

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #1,200,846)

He had a fancier tool than a shoelace, though.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Derek Kinzett - Wire Sculptor

If someone asked me if I wanted to go look at sculptures made out of wire, I'd just assume they were modern art trash-heaps and decline the offer.

In the case of Derek Kinzett, I would be wrong.

Lots more at the link above, including a motorcycle.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Fixing a Flag Flap

A flag featuring Obama's face in place of the traditional 50 stars was seen flying outside the Lake County Democratic headquarters.

Some folks took offense:
Nearly a dozen veterans went to the door and aimed to take it down.

"No. This is private property. This is private property. You're not allowed to touch anything. I'll call the police," Democratic Party chairwoman Nancy Hulbert said.

Yes, it's private property.

The veterans should be arrested for trespassing.

Then fined $1.

Then given medals.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Fate of the USS Enterprise (CVN-65) After Decommissioning in 2013

Looks like they're considering 2 different options. Neither pleasant.

Either quickly chopped to bits:
The Navy preferred alternative suggests that once PSNS receives the Enterprise, it immediately take apart and dispose of the reactor compartments. Shipyard workers would also take apart the hull of the ship and recycle the remnant sections.
Or left to rot in the Puget Sound Naval Shipyard:
A second option, called the no-action option, involves receiving the defueled Enterprise from Newport News and storing it indefinitely and intact at PSNS. Waterborne storage would call for mooring the Enterprise on the west side of Mooring Alpha.
And that place is more a graveyard than a museum.

Sadly, I don't really have a good excuse to go to the Seattle area, but I may have to make one if I can find someone with enough pull to get me aboard the Enterprise for a look-see. I'd love to see it again.

UPDATE 2-12-19:

Looks like they still haven't decided what to do, and they may not even start working on it for decades.

It's Either VERY Cool or Just a Silly Idea

Double-barrel pistol:

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #170,961)

I can't imagine it's the most accurate thing in the world, yet somehow I just can't help not caring as I scream "WANT!" at my computer screen.

Speaking of Carriers...

Despite being 1000 feet long and weighing 90,000 tons, aircraft carriers are actually quite maneuverable:

That's actually the USS Nimitz (CVN68) (which I didn't serve aboard), not the Enterprise (CVN65) (which I did).

By the way, that red line at the bottom? Normally you're not supposed to be able to see that at all, much less 10 feet of it.

The Cold War

It existed. It was real. It wasn't a shouting-match. It wasn't a difference of opinion. It was life or death for millions. I waited for the Russians to blow me up or drown me during it.

No picnic for the folks back home, either.

Because I'm a Sentimental Fool

Here's the petition to name CVN-80 the USS Enterprise, so that the Navy still has a ship with that name when CVN-65 gets decommissioned next year.

Ya know, it's not like there haven't been long stretches of time in American history when the Navy had no Enterprise.

It's just that since Star Trek embedded the name so deeply into the American psyche as a shared symbol of hope for the future of mankind, it would seem almost un-American to do so now.

Monday, March 12, 2012


Obama's "I'll save you gas money" stump speech:
"Now, because of these new standards for cars and trucks, they're going to -- all going to be able to go further and use less fuel every year. And that means pretty soon you'll be able to fill up your car every two weeks instead of every week -- and, over time, that saves you, a typical family, about $8,000"

Translated for factual clarity:

"Starting in 2016, gas mileage requirements will start rising to 55 mpg by 2025. If you buy a brand new car in every year that the requirements go up, you will save a $8000 on gas over the course of your entire life. This will not offset the cost of the cars, and you won't see any benefits during the term for which I want you to reelect me. Vote for me in 2012."

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Final Voyage of the USS Enterprise

Since I served aboard her from 1987 to 1991, this makes me a little bit sad:
NORFOLK, Va. (AP) — The USS Enterprise has set sail on its final voyage.

Officials say the nuclear-powered aircraft carrier, which was featured in the film "Top Gun," left Norfolk, Va., around noon on Sunday.

The ship with more than 4,000 crew members has been a part of history over the past 50 years. It was involved in several wars and played a prominent role in the Cuban missile crisis. It also served as a spotter ship for John Glenn's historic orbit of Earth.

The Enterprise is the longest aircraft carrier in the U.S. fleet. It is also the oldest.

The ship is both old and one-of-a-kind, meaning maintenance can be tricky. Crew members acknowledge life at sea can be tough because they often have to build spare parts from scratch.

"maintenance can be tricky"

Now THERE'S an understatement.

See, the Enterprise was the first nuclear powered aircraft carrier, so they modeled it after the old oil-burners, which had 8 boilers making steam to keep the propellers turning.

The good news about having 8 reactors - at least one of them will always be on line to keep you moving.

The bad news: at least one of them will always be down for repairs.

Fortunately, the boys in fabrication were top notch, and were always able to whip up anything we needed.

Sad to see it go.

At least we'll still have the VSS Enterprise.



Carousel Microwave Cooking - Center or Edge?

I've always used center.

Then I heard someone insiste that the edge cooks faster.

Random Googling shows this is a minor debate - certainly not on the "toilet paper: over or under" scale, but sizable - filled with opinion, prejudice, and stubborn conjecture.

Enter a man of science:
Two identical mugs were filled with 100ml of water. The temperature of the water was noted at 17.5oC.

One mug was placed at the center of the turntable, the other at the edge of the turntable. The microwave oven was set to 750 watts and 90 secs.

The experiment was repeated with fresh water for a period of 120 secs.

The experiment was then altered to microwave one mug only at the center of the oven, then one mug only at the edge, each for a period of 60 secs.


Exp. # - Centrally placed mug - Edge placed mug

1 - 31.6ooC 33.5ooC
2 - 38.4ooC 40.9ooC
3 - 35.2ooC 35.2ooC


It appears that there is no difference when placing an item at the center or edge when microwaving a single item, but when microwaving multiple items, those on the edge will heat faster than those at the center.

Oh, and toilet paper should go "over".

Friday, March 9, 2012

Not a Movie Review

Saw "Act of Valor" today.

It's been a long time since I've seen an action movie where nothing bigger than a truck blows up.

I mean a REAL long time.

And they didn't use CGI as a crutch to make up for a lack of plot or character development. They DO use it, but judiciously, and only to give you a clearer view of what's going on.

They also didn't bog down the dialog with a bunch of too-clever lines. Very straightforward storytelling.

It's like if, instead of going out and eating dinner at some fancy $100 a plate restaurant, you stay home and grill up some steaks.

Simple. Rewarding. Satisfying.

Almost off-topic, I've heard complaints that it's a "propaganda" movie, because there are unambiguous good guys and bad guys. After all, modern-day heroes are supposed to be flawed & morally gray.

Well, the Navy SEALs in this movie drink and swear.

Flawed enough for me.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Croonchy Stars!

Due to being stuck on an aircraft carrier in the middle of the Indian Ocean during its limited production run - I missed out on perhaps the greatest breakfast cereal ever created.

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #71,977)

Monday, March 5, 2012

No, No, It'll Work THIS Time

Dateline: Rhode Island (emphasis added):
A Rhode Island judge says he imposed a lifetime driving ban on a 17-year-old boy after a serious car accident because he wanted to send a message about reckless driving.
[the boy] was driving with a suspended license at the time of the accident, according to The Westerly Sun.

Driving without a license? Then we'll super-duper take it away.

Yeah, that should solve the problem.

Courtesy Linkage

I participated in Right Wing News's Pre-Super Tuesday Blogger Poll. My answers were as follows:

1) If you had to pick the GOP's 2012 presidential nominee today, which of the following candidates would you select?
Newt Gingrich - not for any particular liking of the man, and taking into account his many policy inconsistencies, but he's at least articulate enough to make a believable case for governmental fiscal responsibility.

2) Which of the following candidates would you prefer as the GOP's nominee?
Newt v. Mitt: Newt - same reason.

3) Which of the following candidates would you prefer as the GOP's nominee?
Ron Paul v. Mitt: Ron Paul - sure, the terrorists will beat us up and take our lunch money after Paul pulls all American troops out of everywhere, but at least we'll have a balanced budget.

4) Which of the following candidates would you prefer as the GOP's nominee?
Mitt v. Santorum: Mitt: he's got prettier hair, so the girls will vote for him. Just have to pray that a rabidly tight-fisted Republican Congress will keep him from spending us into oblivion.

5) Which of the following candidates would you prefer as the GOP's nominee?
Mitt v. "as of yet unknown candidate selected at a brokered convention" - Mitt: after watching the hatchet job the media did on Palin, I'd prefer a candidate whose closet has already been thoroughly checked for skeletons.

6) Which of the following candidates would you prefer as the GOP's nominee?
Newt v. Rick Santorum - Newt: See above

7) Who do you think is more likely to win in November?
GOP v. Barack: GOP - I think it depends entirely on the price of gas and the level of unemployment, but I don't see either getting low enough to keep Obama in office.

Of course, I didn't think Obama could beat a war hero while we had troops in Iraq & Afghanistan, either, so I'm not betting my paycheck on this one.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Still A Better Artist Than Picasso

Painting a beautiful landscape image in 90 seconds with one finger.

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #11,360,271)

According to one comment:
"This guy sells his paintings in the streets of Barcelona (Spain). After this video went viral, they talked about him on the news. Each of those paintings is sold for 3 euros, a little more than 3 dollars."

A little Googling, and it turns out his name is Fabián Gaete.

His website (in the original Spanish) (Google Translate English)

And a nice article about him (in the original Spanish) (Google Translate English) which, contrary to the commenter, says he sells his paintings for 6 euros each or 3 for 10

About the title: I'm not generally a huge fan of Impressionism in painting, but I like it WAY better than Cubism, and I'm VERY much a fan of people who can do things very well while making it look easy.

Like the guy who came over to fix my furnace the other day. 24 years old, never had any secondary education, started working for the company at 16 and just worked his way up. Said he likes repair more than installation because well, yeah, it's more money, but he also likes the challenge of making something broke work again.

He had my mysteriously malfunctioning firebox diagnosed & repaired in under half an hour, while simultaneously explaining in detail how a furnace works (I was curious because in my Navy days, I worked on heat exchangers, which run on exactly the same principles.)

He's a better artist than Picasso, too.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

African Americans for Obama

Yeah, this is a real thing.

There are 2 reasons this is obviously racist.

First, there's the use of that split-letter font in "African Americans", which is stereotypically used to label African jungle safaris.

Second, those cute little lines around the word "for"?

Straight out of the 1920's:

Cue Al Jolson singing "Mammy" in blackface.

Whoever designed this thing probably owns a garden-full of black lawn-jockeys.

Monday, February 27, 2012

The Greendale Flag and Its Profoundly Inspiring Motto

Assuming you're a fan of "Community" (and you should be, because it's far and away the cleverest show on TV - and the new season begins March 15th), you may be familiar with the Greendale Community College flag:

Obviously the symbol represents the crossroads of ideas, and the motto "E Pluribus Anus" means "from many, a foundation."

Just wanted to point that out, since the show itself doesn't really clarify.

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #1,321)

Oscar Review

If anyone watched the Oscars last night - and I don't know why you would unless you were one of the very lucky folks who were watching the show with me - reporter Nikki Finke of Deadline Hollywood gives a cruelly-accurate live-blogging of the events.

One of my favorite passages, because these exact thoughts were scratching at the back of my head:
Billy Crystal as Coma Woman! Full-on kiss with George Clooney. ABC just lost every Red State viewer and probably won the GOP presidential race for Rick Santorum. Seriously, Academy, you clearly don’t want families to watch, do you?

Nice touch that shtick with Billy Crystal as Sammy Davis Jr. (I forgot he did that impression.) But Crystal’s plastic surgery is so off-putting. His face looks like it was ironed — and I swear I can still see the scorch smarks.

So, if the Oscars made you pained, itchy, uncomfortable, or bored during certain of its long, long hours, you'll want to read the rest, because Nikki probably felt the same way.

Friday, February 24, 2012

...Says the President-Like Man

Obama continues to amaze with his ability to sound like a bumbling dolt:
"We’re making new investments in the development of gasoline, diesel, and jet fuel that’s actually made from a plant-like substance, algae"

So... went to Harvard and thinks algae isn't a plant, but rather a "plant-like substance?"

Imagine if Sarah Palin had said that. Every news network would be spending half their day correcting her.

Still, it gets better:
"If we can figure out how to make energy out of [algae], we'll be doing alright."

Yes, and if you could just "figure out how" to let the government spend a trillion dollars more than it takes in - ad infinitum - without going broke, you'll have that little budget issue licked, too.

Here's a better if - if we can get Obama out of the way so that we can tap America's huge domestic energy supply, we'll be doing all right.

Honestly, an energy plan that rests on a foundation of first discovering a miracle technology isn't a plan, it's just a wish inside a fairy tale.

And I'm sick of kissing Barack the Magic Frog.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

There, I Feel Better Now

It's been insanely warm & dry in Wisconsin this winter. Only had to break out the snowblower twice so far this year, and we've only had a handful of days where the high temp was below 32 degrees (which, in MY mind, is the difference between a good winter day and a bad one).

Just so I don't start taking it all for granted, I fired up a game of "Digger":

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #440,564)

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Boggled By Idiom

Once again, Barack Obama proves he has not yet mastered the English language or its idioms.

During a speech in Washington, he bragged about how he helped sell 230 Boeing aircraft to Indonesia.

Weirdly, he throws in this comment:
"I tease Jay every time I see him, I say 'I deserve a gold watch because I'm selling your stuff all the time.'"

Um, Barack... traditionally in America, a gold watch is a parting gift for retirees with decades of loyal service, not a contest prize for the front-line sales force.

Do I even need to ask "what if Bush had said this?"

See Also:

Obama doesn't know the Bible or the Constitution

Obama doesn't know American history.

I Don't Like the Math on This

The scandal in the story is supposed to be that Energy Secretary Chu personally intervened in the loan process in order to help failed-solar-company Solyndra.

Blah blah crony capitalism is evil, whatever.

Further down comes the interesting part:
"Secretary Chu strongly supported Project Amp because it will be the largest rooftop project in U.S. history and is expected to generate enough clean, renewable electricity to power over 88,000 homes while supporting at least a thousand jobs all across the country."

Really? 1000 people to power 88,000 homes? So 1 job to power 88 homes...

Ok, now lets look at the national scene.

There are 400,000 electric power industry workers in the country.

Figure a "home" equals 4 people, in a population of 320 million, equals 80 million "homes" (the census counts 114 million "households," so this is close enough). So 1 job to power 200 homes.

But don't forget those 400,000 also produce electricity for commercial and industrial uses. With a quick eyeballing of this chart, it looks like we should triple the number, so 1 job to power 600 "homes."

So what I get from this story is that solar power is only about 15% as man-hour-efficient as the industry standard, and government propping this sector up is sorta like making farmers plow their fields with swayback mules instead of a tractor, so the government can brag about the health of the "agricultural-production-animal industry."

Green energy: it's still a scam.

Monday, February 20, 2012

It Already Has a Name

Roberta Flack raised some eyebrows by referring to a fist bump as an "Obama bump."

Which I find really offensive.

Because everyone knows that, when Obama does it, it's a "terrorist fist jab."

Get it right, Roberta.

Expensive Summer Gas Courtesy of Uncle Sam

Funny... for years I've been told that gas is more expensive in the summer because of higher demand - folks going on vacation & whatnot.

Turns out that's not exactly the problem [emphasis added].
High oil and gas prices now set the stage for even sharper increases at the pump because gas typically rises in March and April.

Every spring, refiners suspend operations to switch the type of gasoline they make. Supplies of wintertime gas are sold off before March, when refineries need to start making a new formula of gasoline that's required in the summer.

That can mean less supply for service stations, resulting in higher gas prices. And summertime gasoline is more expensive to make. The government mandates that it contain less butane and other cheap organic compounds because they contribute to the formation of ground-level ozone, a primary constituent in smog. That means more oil, a costlier component, is needed to produce each gallon.

Thanks, Big Government Regulatory Juggernaut!


From Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal:

I assume that's a burner phone he's calling from.

[title reference link]

Where the Unemployed Disappear To

I've been hearing that, because of Obama's Great Recession, people "drop out of the workforce" after their 99 weeks of unemployment run out.

Which didn't make any sense to me. I mean, you still gotta eat. How can you just "not look for work anymore"?

Turns out folks are simply switching government handout programs to one that doesn't show up in the "official" unemployment figure: disability.

Are people actually becoming mentally ill from chronic unemployment?

Um... sure, why not.

On the other hand, back when he was a vagabond rock musician, my perfectly sane brother (not the blogless one that comments here occasionally) bragged that he got on disability by claiming that he had "voices in his head."

Yeah, it's that easy.

All it takes is either a complete lack of shame, or a strong enough sense of desperation.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Ok, I'm Just Being Mean

At an upcoming Obama fundraiser, they'll be charging $5000 to get your picture taken with the First Lady.

Seems like a lot, but extra-wide lenses aren't cheap.

One for the Office Drones

If you've ever fantasized about going "Office Space" on the printer at work, I think you'll enjoy this:

Friday, February 17, 2012

But Is It a Good Line?

So Obama's campaign manager retweeted "The chimichanga? It may be the only thing Republicans have left to offer Latinos."

Yes, the sentiment is the equivalent of "The watermelon? It may be the only thing Republicans have left to offer blacks," so blah blah racism blah blah liberal hypocrisy.

But does it offer any entertainment value?

Well, "chimichanga" is one of those inherently-funny-sounding words (like "underpants" or "Cucamonga"), so it's always good for a schoolboy giggle. However, that's the only level it works at, as the rest of the line has no larger point to make aside from "Republicans stink because they don't give people free stuff," and certainly does not do so in any way that's even remotely clever or witty.

So, not particularly noteworthy. I'd give it a 3 out of 10.

Strangely Prosey

Poet Maya Angelou said of President Obama, "he has done a remarkable job."

Oddly, she did NOT phrase her comments in the form of a poem.

Although considering the fact that she never uses meter or rhyme in any of her work, it's kinda hard to be sure.

Anyway, here's my poetic commentary on Obama:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Can I get an Obamacare
Waiver like you?

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Sure, I'll Go There

Seriously, they're naming a Navy ship after Gabrielle Giffords.

Is it really a good idea to name a vessel after someone who's had a hole blown in her?

Times Have Changed

Obama now:

"Allowing this tax cut to expire would make people's lives harder right now," Obama said. "It would make their choices more difficult. It would be $40 less for groceries to feed your kids; it would be $40 less for the medications you depend on; $40 less to cover bills and the rent; $40 less to take care of an elder parent, or to donate to a church or a charity.

Obama then:

"We're talking about 5 percent of your total cost of gas that you suspend for three months, which might save you a few hundred bucks that then will spike right up," Obama said.

So... a few hundred bucks = nothing

$40 = everything

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Dig Up, Stupid

Once again mangling idiom in a way no Republican could get away with, Obama writes a citizen [emphasis mine]:
A letter provided to Washington Secrets from Obama to a long-unemployed Portland, Maine carpenter pulls back the curtain of economic hope to reveal the truth about the stagnant economy. "I won't lie to you," Obama penned in hand to Charles Oliver in October. "It will probably take another year or two to fully dig our way out of this hole."

Bravo, President Simpson.

[YouTube direct link]

Thing is, Obama's been using that line for years. So either no one's noticed that - taken literally as an analogy - it's an idiotic and fruitless plan, or Obama knows that it's actually a good description of his plan to spend our way out of debt, uses it deliberately, and laughs to himself every time no one calls him on his honesty.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

How to Avoid Crashing Into People at the Store

You know how it is - you're in a crowded supermarket with narrow aisles, trying not to crash your cart into anyone else's as you weave your way to the back of the store (where they always hide the milk & meat & vegetables).

Then, inevitably, you see someone coming straight for you, they see you, and you both zig in the same direction, followed by an equally awkward zag, then you're both at a dead stop - the ol' Piggly Wiggly Mexican Standoff.

Simple solution: don't look at the other people, look at the gap where you want your cart to go.

People cue off where your eyes are looking to determine your directional intentions. If they see you're looking to the side of them, they'll know you're turning and continue straight instead of feeling the need to swerve to the side to avoid you.

I've been testing this for a while now, and it works so well I no longer even feel the need to schedule all my shopping to avoid the "when the old folks aren't there in droves" hours.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Vasquez Was an Exception (and a Fictional Character)

From the Washington Times story on the Pentagon's decision to maintain the ban on women in combat:
"The current standards that exist for infantry, all men cannot meet those standards," [deputy undersecretary for military personnel policy Vee Penrod] said. "If the majority of women cannot serve in that [mission occupational specialty], the service secretary may restrict that [specialty]. That is with the Army."

Asked how the military knows women can't meet the standards without letting them try...

Answer: because there are no co-ed professional sports teams.

Sorry, PC social-experimenters, adding women doesn't make a group of men better at accomplishing tasks that revolve around strength and endurance.

[Title reference link]

Pushing Roses Down a Dark Path

So, what's the next step down the sinister, slippery slope of crocheted chicken hats?

Vikings & Dwarves.

Thursday, February 9, 2012


From US News:
If the amount of ice lost between 2003 and 2010 covered the United States, the whole country would be under one-and-a-half feet of water, or it'd fill Lake Erie eight times, researchers say. Ocean levels worldwide are rising about six hundredths of an inch per year.

So... global warming alarmists want us to be concerned that this rising-water trend is a linear event, instead of a cyclical phase - unlike every single climate-related event in the history of the planet.

These jokers crack me up.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

42 Saint Bernards

Curse you, Stephen King, for making it impossible to watch this video without an uneasy twitch in my gut:

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #561,500)

If you're NOT a Stephen King reader, enjoy the cute & drooly goodness.