Thursday, April 5, 2012

Federal Court Punishes Obama Over Derisive SCOTUS Comments

(cross-posted from IMAO)

NEW ORLEANS (AP) - After President Obama criticized the Supreme Court's right to review the health care law by saying the "unelected group of people" on the Court would not dare to "take what would be an unprecedented, extraordinary step of overturning a law that was passed by a strong majority of a democratically elected Congress," a three-judge panel of the 5th Circuit Court of Appeals ordered him to submit a three-page, single-spaced letter by noon Thursday addressing whether the Executive Branch believes courts have such power.

President Pouty performs petty peevishness
"It's not really that we WANT to punish him," said Appeals Court Judge Jerry Smith, "we know he WANTS to be good, but he's got such a mouth on him. And what a temper! Normally we'd just put him in time-out, or give him a stern talking-to, but we think it may be time for a little 'tougher love'."

Judge Emilio Garza agreed. "One time we decided to be a little more lenient and let everyone running for President ask for as much money as they wanted, and instead of being happy that he could have more money, Barack got angry. Said we were of letting people be 'bankrolled by foreign interests.' Barack is a nice boy, but he really needed to learn not be so cheeky."

"So," continued Garza, "we told him, firmly but gently, 'don't be disrespectful, young man,' and made him turn his desk in the Oval Office around and face the wall and think about what he did. Then we come back, and the bust of Winston Churchill is missing. We found it out back in the trash next to a perfectly good Dalai Lama that he'd also thrown out. He's gotten even more out of control since then."

"He just keeps acting out in these passive-agressive ways," said Judge Leslie Southwick. "We give him a simple chore to complete, like secure the border, and the next thing you know, our checking account is overdrawn because Barack's been writing checks to Solyndra and General Motors and bunch of his other no-good shiftless buddies."

"There was one time," said Southwich "out of sheer orneriness, he poured sodium silicate into the car's engine and ran it until it seized. We asked him what the hell he thought he was doing, and he said 'who cares? It's just a dirty old clunker that gets bad gas mileage! It serves you right for hating the planet!'. I mean, what can you really do with someone like that? It's almost like he's crazy, you know? He scares us a little sometimes."

Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts also voiced his concern over the path the President seems to be going down. "When he loses the next election and we tell him he can't be President any more, who knows how he'll act out? Cry? Hold his breath? Lock himself in the Monica Lewinsky Memorial Intern Closet? There's just no telling how he'll misbehave next."

Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, now age 79, disagreed with the conservative 5th Circuit's punishment, saying, "one more cheeky remark out of that sassy little mouth of his and so help me I'll make him go outside and cut me a switch!"

"And he better not step on my azaleas while he's doing it!" concluded Ginsburg.

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