Thursday, June 28, 2012

Breathing

No matter what, part of the country will be breathing a sigh of relief, and part will be gasping in horror.

I hope to be in the sighing half.

UPDATE: Well, the Supreme Court upheld the Obamacare individual mandate. Guess I'm in the gasping half.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

I Can't Wait Until This Is Me

[via Large Size Paintings]



Except I'd have a shotgun across my lap to chase teenagers off my lawn with.

Friday, June 22, 2012

If This Is Evil, Call Me the Devil's Advocate

The Week panics over Acxiom, a company in Arkansas that collects and sells data about people:
"If you are an American adult," says Singer, "the odds are that it knows things like your age, race, sex, weight, height, marital status, education level, politics, buying habits, household health worries, vacation dreams - and on and on." It does more than collect that information, though. It uses it to pigeonhole people into one of 70 very specific socioeconomic clusters in an attempt to predict how they'll act, what they'll buy, and how companies can persuade them to buy their products. It gathers its data trove from public records, surveys you've filled out, your online behavior, and other disparate sources of information, then sells it to banks, retailers, and other buyers.

So... for only the tiniest, marginal, indirect cost on my part, this company makes sure that thousands of retailers only bother me with ads for things I might actually have need of, or at least be interested in, instead of bombarding me with random crap I don't care about?

Those bastards...

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

I Was in the Navy, So I Can Get Away with This

United States Armed Forces Cross-Service Terms Primer

Full disclosure - the best boss I ever had was former Air Force Special Ops, so I endorse the chops-busting at the link with all due love & respect.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Little Quentin


[Vimeo direct link]

This reminded me of a cross between Sin City and Pulp Fiction.

It starts off good, in that "things going sideways" Quentin Tarantino sorta way, then things go even sidewayser, and it makes the story even BETTER.

Love to see more like this.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

The Many Uses of Hmmm

Although I use this particular 4-letter word a lot in my writing, I never really think of it as a word in my heard. However, as this article points out, it's got 4 different meanings, depending on pitch:
Spoken with a rising intonation: "I didn't understand — say again?"

Prolonged, with ample m's: "I'm thinking deeply about what you said."

High-pitched: "Yes, maybe — good idea!"

Uttered quickly and at a lower register: "I am dubious."

Oddly, I didn't realize they were right until I tried them all out.

Pretty cool.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Better Plan

Obama wants to spend hundreds of millions of dollars so that corner stores in ghettos will stock fresh fruits & vegetables.

Which no one wants to buy.

Which will rot on the shelves and be thrown away.

Why not save some money and be more efficient? Just buy fresh produce and throw it right in the dumpster. Probably cut costs at least 40%

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Together at Last

Let's see...

I like Danny Elfman.

I like Nightmare Before Christmas.

I like alcohol.

Combine contents and shake vigorously:


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #4,882)

Friday, June 8, 2012

AMEN

[via Very Demotivational]


If This Works, I May Finally Stop Hating on Tablets and Smart Phones

A touchscreen that turns on-screen keys into actual bumps on the screen so that you can feel them.

I'm a touch-typer, so I need that tactile feedback.

Now they just need to solve the problem of letting the device know that I don't actually want to type "asdfjkl;" - I'm just resting my fingers on the home-row keys.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

D-Day +68

[Originally posted 2004 as part of the MilBlogs And Friends Special Edition of the Sixtieth Anniversary of D-Day. Please click the link to see the excellent work done by the other participants]

(click to enlarge)


When over 100,000 men hit the beaches of France 65 years ago, they were well-prepared. They had training, they had practice, they had equipment, and they had their mission.

They also had the right attitude. They were landing on these beaches, not to catch a bare toe-hold in the sand, but to begin a push that wouldn't end until they marched down the streets of Berlin and looked Hitler right in the eye.

But if they saw him, they wouldn't see Hitler as we see him today - a legendary figure of personified evil and a demi-god of power and malice.

Not hardly.

To the troops coming off the boat, he was nothing but a spastic, greasy-haired, one-balled, lunatic Austrian paper-hanger with a bad mustache.

Because back during the early 40's, Americans didn't fear their enemies. They made fun of them.

Why?

Dictators HATE being made fun of. Hitler even made it a crime to tell anti-Nazi jokes. So if you were caught saying something like:
Hitler and his chauffeur are whizzing along a country road when a pig rushes out and is hit by their car. Spotting a nearby farm house, the chauffeur is sent up to inform the occupants of the demise of their animal. He returns with an armload of food and wine. Hitler is amazed.

"Why did they give you that?"

"I do not know. All I did was knock on the door and say I am Hitler's chauffeur and I killed the pig."

or
Hitler asked his astrologer on what day he would die.

"On a Jewish holiday," the astrologer replied.

"But which holiday?"

"Any day you die will be a Jewish holiday."

or
There are two kinds of Aryans: non-Aryans and barb-Aryans

or
A fatally wounded German soldier asked his chaplain to grant one final wish. "Place a picture of Hitler on one side of me, and a picture of Goering on the other side. That way I can die like Jesus, between two thieves."

or
Goebbels was touring German schools. At one, he asked the students to call out patriotic slogans.

"Heil Hitler," shouted one child.

"Very good," said Goebbels.

"Deutschland Uber alles," another called out.

"Excellent. How about a stronger slogan?"

A hand shot up, and Goebbels nodded.

"Our people shall live forever," the little boy said.

"Wonderful," exclaimed Goebbels. "What is your name, young man?"

"Israel Goldberg."

or
"What is the difference between an Nazi and a dog? A Nazi lifts his arm."

or
A German father instructing his son on how to say grace.

"From now on you must thank God and Hitler when you pray," says dad.

"But what happens if Hitler dies?" the boy asks.

"Then you just thank God."

The consequences would be dire.

But in America, it was an industry.

Warner Brothers studios put out several classics cartoons mocking this failed house-painter and part-time goose-stepper, including: Herr Meets Hare, The Ducktators, Daffy - The Commando, and Scrap Happy Daffy.

Disney got into the act with Der Fuehrer's Face and Education for Death.

Popeye took a whack with Seein' Red, White & Blue and Spinach Fer Britain.

And did you think that Dr. Seuss just wrote quaint little children's books? You might be surprised to learn that he did a large number of political cartoons during the war. Like the one at the top of this entry.

And let's not forget about Jack Benny in "To Be Or Not To Be".

Or Charlie Chaplin in "The Great Dictator".

And if you're in a singin' mood, there's always Spike Jones' rendition of "Der Fuehrer's Face" (full mp3 available free here).

Now, I'm not saying that a few cartoons and a sprightly war ditty made all the difference on the beaches of Normandy, but I would feel safe in saying that when you've been mocking that "paper hanging son-of-a-bitch" instead of fearing him, it makes finally taking that piss in the Rhine river all the sweeter.

Of course, things are a little different today. The major Hollywood studios don't want to hurt anybody's feelings, so they're out of the precision guided humor business.

Fortunately for us, however, there are those who have not forgotten the lesson, and spare no effort in reminding the public that even though we may have to fight our enemies seriously, we don't have to waste time taking them seriously.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Wait... What?

From a profile on a Connecticut commie:
she has played an active role in the broad labor and people's alliance that defeated the ultra-right in the 2008 elections and continues to mobilize for health care, worker rights and peace
How does one "mobilize for peace"?

Do you gather an angry mob together with torches and pitchforks in order to peacefully sit around putting marshmallows on the pitchforks and roasting them over the torches?

Or is this a bland euphemism for threatening mob violence on the properties of various businesses unless they pay protection money (aka the "peace mobilization fee")?

Monday, June 4, 2012

How to Make Scrat Very Sad

Tell him he missed out on this:


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #195,994)