Sunday, September 8, 2013

I Think I Have to Get Married Now

A mailing list bought by a company that sells feminine hygiene products sent this to my non-existent wife at my home address:

Apparently I have to get married by the time this offer expires on 11/4 or else.

I hate corporate shotgun weddings...


  1. You'd better get crackin!

    You can't let something so valuable as free fitness classes or wellness offers worth up to $35 go to waste! And it's available at Target. That settles it.

    Got anybody in mind?

  2. I was thinkin' about that redhead in the blue dress:

  3. My preference is chestnut, but the clock is ticking, so I may have to settle for whatever I can get by then.

    I mean, $35 is $35...

    1. Good point. Let's see. A place with lots of girls in blue dresses? Hmm. Church?

      Too bad you're just getting that notice now. We all wore that color dress in choir in high school. More than a hundred of us. Woulda been easy pickins...

  4. Hmmm... church girls, eh?

    *starts scribbling notes*

  5. Shouldn't that have been addressed to Mrs "Chelsea" Olson?

  6. *throws rock at heresolong*

    "Get offa my lawn!"

    @Anonymiss - Not yet. Ask me again on 11/4

  7. You're LUCKY.

    I keep getting stuff congratulating me on my "new arrival," but my wife had me fixed years ago.