Tuesday, December 10, 2013

The Wisconsin Winter Version of "The Dog Ate My Homework" - UPDATED

The snowblower ate my phone book:

Before Sunday's snowfall, somebody delivered a phonebook to my door.

But instead of putting it on my doorstep, it was dropped off on the sidewalk that goes from my doorstep to my driveway.

It got covered with snow, and I didn't notice the lump in the snow.

Until my snowblower started making very unpleasant noises.

Yeah. That thing's wedged in TIGHT. The auger will not turn.

I'm taking it to a professional.

I caught a newspaper in a similar fashion a few years back. Took two hours with a blowtorch.

This time, I'm paying a guy.

UPDATE: The greatest thing in life is to know a guy who's retired who does small engine repair just to keep busy and earn a little extra scratch to cushion his pension.

I've got one of those. And you'll probably recognize the type when I tell you that after he removed the phone book, he also replaced the worn-out shoe on the right side, straightened the bent auger, and changed the oil.

I'll note that he does not have a heated garage. He explained "I work out front in the sunshine during the day, it's not too bad. If I get cold, I just go inside."

Heh. Sounds JUST like my dad.

Anyway, I'll add that he undercharges to a grotesque degree for his services (which in this case also included pickup and deliver of the afflicted machine).

Yeah, I slipped him an extra 10.

Hey, I work hard for my money, and I refuse to be... whatever the opposite of cheated is.


  1. I'm kinda a little person, so last year I decided I'd buy a *little* plug in snowblower to help with the snow removal.

    It was useless. I tried one pass on a day we had only a few inches of fairly light snow. It threw only the top inch, and packed down the rest. I turned it around to push it back into the garage - I planned to take it promptly back to the store.

    Though useless at sucking up snow, it was awesome at sucking up extension cords. In only a few seconds, it had coiled the entire cord around its middle.

    I had never used my plant trimmers to cut up cords before...and it took far longer to clear my driveway that day than it had pre-snowblower.

    Suffice it to say, I am no longer a snowblower owner.

    (I'm ready to pay a guy to clear my driveway, though. You available?)

  2. Ah, you fell for the trap of thinking one of those "electric snow brooms" would work in Wisconsin.

    In this state, you either need a 2-stage, 5-speed, walk-behind, or you need a lot of sons with strong backs (my dad used the latter until we started growing up & moving out, then he went to the former).

    Now, 2-stagers LOOK big & scary, but all you need to do is guide them gently in a straight line. They do ALL the rest of the work for you.

    Oh, and NEVER put your hand down the throwing chute. If it ever gets clogged, poke at it with a stick.

    I've seen what it does to those sticks... yeah, I'm never putting my hand down there.

  3. Not owning a truck myself, I don't know how I would get something that size to my house...and if I did...how would I get it out of my car??

    But *you* own a truck...and a big snowblower...

  4. Takes 2 burly men and a truck to move a snowblower from the store to your house. Hopefully the store has both of those.

    As for me, I'm short one burly man.

    Fortunately, my snowblower repair guy picks up, delivers, and has a low trailer attachment with ramps.

  5. Oh.

    I've never known a store to drive to your house with you to unload it. But whatever.

  6. I would assume that something big & heavy like this, the store you buy it from can have it delivered to you. I mean, they do it with furniture and appliances, right?

  7. It doesn't matter.

    I can't afford one.

    1. I talked with Santa. He said he'd fix you up.
      Merry Christmas and farewell in the New Year.

  8. I have never seen a snowblower, nor a working snow shovel.Nor do I wish to.

  9. I have never seen a snowblower, nor a working snow shovel.Nor do I wish to.

  10. He didn't repair the phone book. I am unimpressed.


  11. Should G-d let me live long enough to retire, I will drive south with a snowshovel attached to the front of my car until someone asks me what it is. I will drive 100 miles further south and build a house.

  12. Well, if you promise to stop before you get to the houses with the blue tarps where their roofs used to be, I'll be your neighbor.

  13. Lots of empty half acre lots here in Resume Speed, TX. Each about five grand. Ten miles to the nearest small town.