Thursday, January 31, 2013

There's No Way to Intro This Without Spoilers



Just stick with it and trust me that there's upliftment to be found, so it's worth the 8.5 minutes you spend until the end credits roll.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Bacon Anytime

I hate frying bacon because grease spatters make a mess out of my stove, and I'm too lazy to clean it.

Easy solution: microwave bacon.

Put 2 slices on a paper towel.

Put a paper towel over it.

Cook for 90 seconds.

Enjoy.

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Strangely, This Works for Me


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #324,354)

Ordinarily I'm not a fan of deathmetal. I prefer musicality over machine-gun drumming, chainsaw guitars, and constipated-bear vocals.

I actually like it in this video, because the mindless simplicity of the music & vocals is perfectly suited to the dim but enthusiastic grip dogs have on how the world works.

In short, if a dog could write a song, this is the song a dog would write.

And then I'd be like "Cool! My dog can write songs!" and I'd exploit his talent to make a million dollars for myself.

But I'd buy him all the socks he wanted.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Separated at Birth?

So I watched "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?", just because I'd heard of it and it was on.

I don't know whether to describe it as "a 2 hour and 15 minute Twilight Zone episode" or "if Quentin Tarantino had to keep a movie PG".

Joan Crawford's eyebrows... GAH!

As for Bette Davis... I can't believe she let herself look that ugly on film. Not sure if she was better or worse looking than Helen Thomas.



The chubby British guy looked familiar. Turns out I recognized him from the old Batman TV series, where he played King Tut.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

There's Got to Be a Way to Do This

Say... does anyone know how to unwrap a slice of cheese one-handed?

Or am I the only person who's ever tried this particular monkey-trick?

Google & YouTube are both strangely silent on the topic.

UPDATE: I need to clarify - I meant without using the kitchen counter or any other hard, horizontal surface. Slice of cheese in the air the whole time.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Why Settle for One When You Can Have Both?

Last night I got a sudden craving and decided that I really wanted pancakes for breakfast this morning.

So I went on the internet, grabbed the first recipe I saw, and made the batter (figuring to save myself a little time & trouble in the morning).

Worked out well, pancakes for breakfast, and I was happy, except...

The recipe I used called for 1 egg.

I normally eat my eggs in pairs, so now I've got this one odd egg in the crate. Sure it's a First World Problem, but it's still annoying.

Then it hit me:

Pancake French Toast

So I took the oddball egg, made French Toast batter out of it, made a pancake, and dipped the pancake in the batter instead of bread.

That worked out pretty well. I recommend giving it a try.

Friday, January 18, 2013

My Kind of Jerk

Watched "Employees' Entrance" recently.

IMDB describes it as follows:
Kurt Anderson is the tyrannical manager of a New York department store in financial straits. He thinks nothing of firing an employee of more than 20 years or of toying with the affections of every woman he meets. One such victim is Madeline, a beautiful young woman in need of a job. Anderson hires her as a salesgirl, but not before the two spend the night together. Madeline is ashamed, especially after she falls for Martin West, a rising young star at the store. Her biggest fear is that Martin finds out the truth about her "career move."

I disagree with that description.

I *liked* Kurt. He was made manager to make the store profitable. He fires suppliers because they don't make deliveries as promised. He fires the "20 year employee" because he doesn't do anything to help the store become more profitable. He also bends over backwards to promote, praise, and support an employee who shows initiative.

Basically he's Howard Roark without the charm. And when he's mean to people (which is frequently), it's because HE'S good at running a store, THEY'RE not, and THEY are presuming to tell HIM how to do his job.

As for Madeline, well, she's a woman of loose ethics who cheated on her husband. Hardly the deceived innocent that IMDB makes her out to be.

Monday, January 14, 2013

I'm Too Lazy to Make Cookies

So I bought some cookie dough that was already in pre-made circles. All I had to do was spread them out on a cookie sheet.

Too much work.

I dumped 'em all into an 8x8 glass baking dish without separating them. Somewhere around 25-30 minutes later at 350 degrees, I had cookie bars.

They're all gone now, so don't bother asking me to share.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Doesn't Matter. Had Fun


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #76,539)

Whatever you do, do it with joy and reckless abandon.

By the way, he can also do it blindfolded. And with the same enthusiasm.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Message to My Younger Self (Or Not)

Sarah Hoyt has an interesting post about what (if anything) you would tell your younger self if you could go back in time.

Well, despite some recent "setbacks", I'm not sure I'd want to change anything. I'm in a pretty good position right now, all things considered. I've been able to work from home for the last 3 years, and the ability to pull a paycheck while dressed in sweats with a purring cat on your lap is nothing to be trifled with.

Not sure I'd want to risk losing that.

But still, the one risk I think I'd take is to tell me to read "The Lively Art of Writing". Probably about when I was 10.

See, I'd done a lot of reading (probably had about a thousand checkouts on my library card by that point), and I knew what good writing LOOKED like, but I never thought I could do it myself.

Because I didn't know HOW to write well, I did horribly in English & Creative Writing classes all through school. What I didn't know was that writing was as much science as art, and that one book could explain it all (or at least explain enough).

I was introduced to this book when I was 17. Had I read it earlier, I think my life could've been even better than it is today.

So... anything you'd do for yourself as a kid?

Friday, January 11, 2013

It Ain't the Violence, It's Who You're Laying the Violence on

In recent gun control arguments, I hear a lot of rumblings about how we should "ban violent video games".

Dumb.

I've been playing violent video games for about 20 years. I've shot of lot of demons, Nazis, drug gangs, criminals, and space aliens.

That's a GOOD thing, because all these pixelated marauders were EVIL. They were trying to take over the planet (or at least the city), and they killed a lot of innocent people along the way. They deserved to die.

Now, I also tried playing a game called "Postal", which involved shooting innocent people on the streets for no reason. Strictly speaking, it was exactly the same as the other games - click, bang, dead - but without the feeling that I was fighting on the side of justice, I got no satisfaction.

Most violent video games that I'm aware of have you killing bad guys. Now, I've never played anything from the Grand Theft Auto series, but I've heard that game rewards you for killing innocents. I wouldn't ban it, but I'd suggest parents keep it away from impressionable children.

My point? Violence is good when it makes bad people die. If your video game does that, play it a lot. That's an attitude that should be promoted.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Worth Looking At

Lately I've found that I have a lot more empty space on my DVR, and since I'm seen pretty much every episode of Family Guy, Futurama, and the Simpsons at least twice, I find myself in need of some filler for those interstitial times when I'm doing low-focus tasks & want some background noise.

I'm finding a lot of good stuff on Turner Classic Movies lately, although more by luck than by design.

Like the fun, if pointless, 1947 proto-rom-com "It Had to Be You".

I'll say two things about it:

Ginger Rogers sounds a LOT like Judy Garland.

Ginger Rogers, at age 36, is INCREDIBLY easy on the eyes. And I don't even have a preference for blondes.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

I'm Sure This Makes Me Unpatriotic

Just watched "7 Days in May", wherein Burt Lancaster plays a general plotting to overthrow the President because said President signed a complete nuclear disarmament treaty with Russia (obviously this was set during the Cold War).

Yeah, I was rooting for the General the whole time.

On a side note, the movie opens with a protest march outside the White House. Couldn't help noticing how clean-cut and well-dressed the protesters were.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Paradox of Fire

When you're trying to start a fire from embers, you blow on them until they burst into flame.

When you want to extinguish a candle, you blow on it until it goes out.

How does that work, exactly?

Monday, January 7, 2013

Help! I Don't Have a Scarf!


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #128,087)

I really want to try this, but I don't have a scarf handy.

If anyone else tries it, let me know if it works. Or if these guys just have some kind of lazy freak-cat.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

What Is Paul Newman's Problem?

Just watched "Hud" because I'd heard of it for years & it had Oscars & an all-star cast.

I guess "bored" would be the best description of my reaction.

And I noticed that Paul Newman played the same annoying, arrogant, shallow, unlikeable pondscum he played in Cool Hand Luke, Butch Cassidy, Slap Shot, and Judge Roy Bean.

Did he ever play anyone likeable?

As an aside, I did find it amusing to hear Newman in "Hud" use the phrase "salad dressing" in a sneering, derisive tone. The irony was not lost on me.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

I Would Never Wear One of These

It's a little camera that you wear around your neck that automatically takes pictures all day long.

No, thank you. That's what my brain is for.

I say spend less time documenting your life and more time enjoying it.

That's also why I'll never own a smart phone. I work in The Matrix all day, and when I'm not obligated to stay there, I need to plug back into the real world for a while and enjoy what my senses have to offer.

AFK is OK. Really.

PS. YAY! Packers!

Friday, January 4, 2013

Yay! I'm a Statistic!

Divorce final. I'm now officially one of the 50% of failed marriages.

Well, that was fun.

Moving on...