Friday, August 1, 2014

Say... Where's Harvey Been?

My niece sent me an email, speculating thusly on my whereabouts, based solely on the fact that I'd recently mentioned that I had a chipmunk living under my back deck:

Harvey Olson, 47, of Janesville, Wisconsin, was found Thursday morning by local mail delivery employee, Roger Sverzgard.

"It was a horrible scene, just horrible!" stated Sverzgard to local authorities. "I never knew chipmunks were capable of such a gruesome, and frankly, well-orchestrated ambush."

"He has well over a thousand bite marks, and possibly two-thousand bruises from acorns. I personally have never seen anything like it." E.R. Nurse, Jane Thompson told reporters Thursday afternoon. "We have him in stable condition, however it may be months before he can use what is left of his fingers"

Authorities have spent the better part of the day re-creating, and examining what looks to be a chipmunk "colony", under the backyard deck of Olson. So far animal control has trapped, and euthanized 267 chipmunks, and veterinary technicians from the DNR are in the process of testing each and every animal for rabies. They are expecting to be trapping and testing well into the night, and possibly tomorrow as well.

The only statement from Olson, (via his niece Sarah speaking publicly on his behalf, as his condition makes his voice nearly inaudible) is as follows: "I was wrong. I thought there was only one chipmunk. I figured I'd leave him be, didn't think he was hurting anything. I was so wrong."

Residents of Janesville are encouraged to set live traps in their own yards, and the city has a fund set up to pay a bounty of $1.00 per chipmunk that is brought to City Hall. Local city employees have been trained in effective and humane methods of killing chipmunks brought to City Hall. The Mayor is urging citizens to not try to attempt killing them themselves, and to bring them alive due to the fact that these chipmunks seem to be smarter, and more dangerous than chipmunks seen in past years.

A fund has been set up at the US Bank on Milton Avenue, to help with Harvey's mounting medical bills, and to help with the cost of the extensive physical therapy that he will be undergoing.

There will also be a lemonade stand at the Piggly Wiggly on Saturday, Aug. 2nd, where the Boy Scouts (Troop #442) will be taking free will donations, and handing out literature on the safe trapping of chipmunks.

The public is urged to call City Hall with any concerns/questions, additional staff will be on hand to handle the influx of calls.


  1. This does not bode well for Moogie's Manor. We have herds of chipmunks under, and on, the deck.

  2. Praise the Lord that the Viscous Killer Attack Pugs of Resume Speed, Texas keep the Chipmunks away and they also keep the squirrels in the trees. I do worry, though, about the Armadillos. Those little armored SOBs ain't afeared of no Pugs/

  3. I see a bright future for your niece as a guest blogger on either Bad Example or IMAO.

  4. Apparently they didn't chew your fingers off, which is a good thing. I didn't realize you were from Janesville. My cousin and her family lived there, and I guess some of her kids still do. Her husband worked at the GM plant, and they owned this private lake that was on their land. Small world.