Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Unexplained Sinkhole Consumes Residence In Janesville WI

More speculation on my whereabouts from my niece, Sarah:

Authorities are investigating a localized sinkhole in Janesville, Wisconsin, discovered by local Daughters of The American Revolution walking club "The Quick Steppers" early on Tuesday morning.

On the property of now famous Harvey "How Many Fingers Am I Holding Up" Olson, recently released from the hospital, after his chipmunk "incident" last week, lay the ruins of his modest residence.

"Everyday that we walk is an adventure, that's for sure!" Amy Grune 72, told police. "This summer alone, we have discovered 3 meth labs, 2 people putting old appliances in the ditch, 17 litterbugs, and an elderly man sleeping' in the gutter. We are prepared for many emergencies, but not this."

Beth Anderson, fellow walker, is not so optimistic. "There is only so many things we can carry in our fanny packs! I am in charge of the First-Aid kit, Amy has the pepper spray to deal with feral dogs, Nancy has a taser to deal with perverts, and we all have cell phones! How do we even deal with sinkholes?!?"

"All I know is that it is going to take the city a long time to make that sidewalk even again. I would like to propose taking that street off of our walking route until further notice. I was considering it after the chipmunk 'incident', but this takes the cake," Mary Stutbreiner, 81, told reporters on the scene.

The cause of the sinkhole is still unclear, and authorities are speculating as to its cause. They are advising the public to stay calm, and that this incident is quite likely linked to the extensive chipmunk colony discovered last week on the property.

Harvey "How Many Fingers Am I Holding Up" Olson is recovering once again at the local hospital, and is expected to make a full recovery from his injuries. Miraculously he was on his roof at the time of the accident, clearing his rain gutters of acorns. Paramedics say that his being on the roof is what saved him.

"I was having a terrible time sleeping, knowing those acorns were up there, so I got up early this morning. Thank goodness for bad dreams!" Olson told reporters from his hospital bed.