Bad Example

The Greendale Flag and Its Profoundly Inspiring Motto

2012-02-27T09:48:00.001-06:00

Assuming you're a fan of "Community" (and you should be, because it's far and away the cleverest show on TV - and the new season begins March 15th), you may be familiar with the Greendale Community College flag:

Obviously the symbol represents the crossroads of ideas, and the motto "E Pluribus Anus" means "from many, a foundation."

Just wanted to point that out, since the show itself doesn't really clarify.

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #1,321)

Oscar Review

2012-02-27T07:48:00.000-06:00

If anyone watched the Oscars last night - and I don't know why you would unless you were one of the very lucky folks who were watching the show with me - reporter Nikki Finke of Deadline Hollywood gives a cruelly-accurate live-blogging of the events.

One of my favorite passages, because these exact thoughts were scratching at the back of my head:

Billy Crystal as Coma Woman! Full-on kiss with George Clooney. ABC just lost every Red State viewer and probably won the GOP presidential race for Rick Santorum. Seriously, Academy, you clearly don’t want families to watch, do you?

Nice touch that shtick with Billy Crystal as Sammy Davis Jr. (I forgot he did that impression.) But Crystal’s plastic surgery is so off-putting. His face looks like it was ironed — and I swear I can still see the scorch smarks.

So, if the Oscars made you pained, itchy, uncomfortable, or bored during certain of its long, long hours, you'll want to read the rest, because Nikki probably felt the same way.

...Says the President-Like Man

2012-02-24T13:12:00.001-06:00

Obama continues to amaze with his ability to sound like a bumbling dolt:

"We’re making new investments in the development of gasoline, diesel, and jet fuel that’s actually made from a plant-like substance, algae"

So... went to Harvard and thinks algae isn't a plant, but rather a "plant-like substance?"

Imagine if Sarah Palin had said that. Every news network would be spending half their day correcting her.

Still, it gets better:

"If we can figure out how to make energy out of [algae], we'll be doing alright."

Yes, and if you could just "figure out how" to let the government spend a trillion dollars more than it takes in - ad infinitum - without going broke, you'll have that little budget issue licked, too.

Here's a better if - if we can get Obama the hell out of the way so that we can tap America's huge domestic energy supply, we'll be doing all right.

Honestly, an energy plan that rests on a foundation of first discovering a miracle technology isn't a plan, it's just a wish inside a fairy tale.

And I'm sick of kissing Barack the Magic Frog.

On the Plus Side: Short Skirts & Fishnet Stockings

2012-02-24T09:29:00.002-06:00

Blogless Brother sent me this one, because my wife is a derby girl.

Gotta admit, this is always in the back of my mind:

Mr. Pereiraville should probably be girding his loins on this one, too.

There, I Feel Better Now

2012-02-22T09:32:00.000-06:00

It's been insanely warm & dry in Wisconsin this winter. Only had to break out the snowblower twice so far this year, and we've only had a handful of days where the high temp was below 32 degrees (which, in MY mind, is the difference between a good winter day and a bad one).

Just so I don't start taking it all for granted, I fired up a game of "Digger":

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #440,564)

Blunt Talk

2012-02-21T23:04:00.000-06:00

From a VERY frank discussion about women, desire, and rough sex:

"most women I know have told me that they like sex rougher than most men give it to them"

Thinking back on it, "heavy-handed" DOES seem to get a better response than "gentle & tender."

Chime in at will.

Boggled By Idiom

2012-02-21T10:04:00.001-06:00

Once again, Barack Obama proves he has not yet mastered the English language or its idioms.

During a speech in Washington, he bragged about how he helped sell 230 Boeing aircraft to Indonesia.

Weirdly, he throws in this comment:

"I tease Jay every time I see him, I say 'I deserve a gold watch because I'm selling your stuff all the time.'"

Um, Barack... traditionally in America, a gold watch is a parting gift for retirees with decades of loyal service, not a contest prize for the front-line sales force.

Do I even need to ask "what if Bush had said this?"

See Also:

Obama doesn't know the Bible or the Constitution

Obama doesn't know American history.

I Don't Like the Math on This

2012-02-21T09:24:00.002-06:00

The scandal in the story is supposed to be that Energy Secretary Chu personally intervened in the loan process in order to help failed-solar-company Solyndra.

Blah blah crony capitalism is evil, whatever.

Further down comes the interesting part:

"Secretary Chu strongly supported Project Amp because it will be the largest rooftop project in U.S. history and is expected to generate enough clean, renewable electricity to power over 88,000 homes while supporting at least a thousand jobs all across the country."

Really? 1000 people to power 88,000 homes? So 1 job to power 88 homes...

Ok, now lets look at the national scene.

There are 400,000 electric power industry workers in the country.

Figure a "home" equals 4 people, in a population of 320 million, equals 80 million "homes" (the census counts 114 million "households," so this is close enough). So 1 job to power 200 homes.

But don't forget those 400,000 also produce electricity for commercial and industrial uses. With a quick eyeballing of this chart, it looks like we should triple the number, so 1 job to power 600 "homes."

So what I get from this story is that solar power is only about 15% as man-hour-efficient as the industry standard, and government propping this sector up is sorta like making farmers plow their fields with swayback mules instead of a tractor, so the government can brag about the health of the "agricultural-production-animal industry."

Green energy: it's still a scam.

It Already Has a Name

2012-02-20T18:26:00.001-06:00

Roberta Flack raised some eyebrows by referring to a fist bump as an "Obama bump."

Which I find really offensive.

Because everyone knows that, when Obama does it, it's a "terrorist fist jab."

Get it right, Roberta.

Expensive Summer Gas Courtesy of Uncle Sam

2012-02-20T09:35:00.001-06:00

Funny... for years I've been told that gas is more expensive in the summer because of higher demand - folks going on vacation & whatnot.

Turns out that's not exactly the problem [emphasis added].

High oil and gas prices now set the stage for even sharper increases at the pump because gas typically rises in March and April.

Every spring, refiners suspend operations to switch the type of gasoline they make. Supplies of wintertime gas are sold off before March, when refineries need to start making a new formula of gasoline that's required in the summer.

That can mean less supply for service stations, resulting in higher gas prices. And summertime gasoline is more expensive to make. The government mandates that it contain less butane and other cheap organic compounds because they contribute to the formation of ground-level ozone, a primary constituent in smog. That means more oil, a costlier component, is needed to produce each gallon.

Thanks, Big Government Regulatory Juggernaut!

PEBKAC

2012-02-20T09:24:00.002-06:00

From Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal:

I assume that's a burner phone he's calling from.

[title reference link]

Where the Unemployed Disappear To

2012-02-20T07:58:00.002-06:00

I've been hearing that, because of Obama's Great Recession, people "drop out of the workforce" after their 99 weeks of unemployment run out.

Which didn't make any sense to me. I mean, you still gotta eat. How can you just "not look for work anymore"?

Turns out folks are simply switching government handout programs to one that doesn't show up in the "official" unemployment figure: disability.

Are people actually becoming mentally ill from chronic unemployment?

Um... sure, why not.

On the other hand, back when he was a vagabond rock musician, my perfectly sane brother (not the blogless one that comments here occasionally) bragged that he got on disability by claiming that he had "voices in his head."

Yeah, it's that easy.

All it takes is either a complete lack of shame, or a strong enough sense of desperation.

Ok, I'm Just Being Mean

2012-02-19T17:42:00.001-06:00

At an upcoming Obama fundraiser, they'll be charging $5000 to get your picture taken with the First Lady.

Seems like a lot, but extra-wide lenses aren't cheap.

One for the Office Drones

2012-02-19T09:45:00.001-06:00

If you've ever fantasized about going "Office Space" on the printer at work, I think you'll enjoy this:

Cost of Living

2012-02-19T09:32:00.002-06:00

In case you've ever wondered what it's like to work as a security guard for UAC, I imagine it's a lot like this [Warning: adult language]

Anyway, it's got Superman and that clerk from The Work Bench who moonlighted as the devil's bounty hunter, so at least the acting is good.

By the way, if you didn't enjoy "Aliens", you won't enjoy this, and vice versa.

But Is It a Good Line?

2012-02-17T17:57:00.001-06:00

So Obama's campaign manager retweeted "The chimichanga? It may be the only thing Republicans have left to offer Latinos."

Yes, the sentiment is the equivalent of "The watermelon? It may be the only thing Republicans have left to offer blacks," so blah blah racism blah blah liberal hypocrisy.

But does it offer any entertainment value?

Well, "chimichanga" is one of those inherently-funny-sounding words (like "underpants" or "Cucamonga"), so it's always good for a schoolboy giggle. However, that's the only level it works at, as the rest of the line has no larger point to make aside from "Republicans suck because they don't give people free stuff," and certainly does not do so in any way that's even remotely clever or witty.

So, not particularly noteworthy. I'd give it a 3 out of 10.

Strangely Prosey

2012-02-17T07:59:00.000-06:00

Poet Maya Angelou said of President Obama, "he has done a remarkable job."

Oddly, she did NOT phrase her comments in the form of a poem.

Although considering the fact that she never uses meter or rhyme in any of her work, it's kinda hard to be sure.

Anyway, here's my poetic commentary on Obama:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Can I get an Obamacare
Waiver like you?

Sure, I'll Go There

2012-02-15T19:17:00.000-06:00

Seriously, they're naming a Navy ship after Gabrielle Giffords.

Is it really a good idea to name a vessel after someone who's had a hole blown in her?

Times Have Changed

2012-02-15T17:06:00.000-06:00

Obama now:

"Allowing this tax cut to expire would make people's lives harder right now," Obama said. "It would make their choices more difficult. It would be $40 less for groceries to feed your kids; it would be $40 less for the medications you depend on; $40 less to cover bills and the rent; $40 less to take care of an elder parent, or to donate to a church or a charity.

Obama then:

"We're talking about 5 percent of your total cost of gas that you suspend for three months, which might save you a few hundred bucks that then will spike right up," Obama said.

So... a few hundred bucks = nothing

$40 = everything

Dig Up, Stupid

2012-02-14T08:20:00.002-06:00

Once again mangling idiom in a way no Republican could get away with, Obama writes a citizen [emphasis mine]:

A letter provided to Washington Secrets from Obama to a long-unemployed Portland, Maine carpenter pulls back the curtain of economic hope to reveal the truth about the stagnant economy. "I won't lie to you," Obama penned in hand to Charles Oliver in October. "It will probably take another year or two to fully dig our way out of this hole."

Bravo, President Simpson.

[YouTube direct link]

Thing is, Obama's been using that line for years. So either no one's noticed that - taken literally as an analogy - it's an idiotic and fruitless plan, or Obama knows that it's actually a good description of his plan to spend our way out of debt, uses it deliberately, and laughs to himself every time no one calls him on his honesty.

We Really Need to Bring Back Lupercalia

2012-02-14T06:05:00.000-06:00

Lupercalia is an ancient Roman holiday, celebrated February 13th through 15th, that involved:

"running up and down through the city naked, for sport and laughter, striking those you meet with shaggy thongs."

As opposed to Valentine's Day, where you spend scads of money on things you hope will make your woman happy enough to have sex with you. You know... sorta like every other day of the year.

[Hat tip: Lynn of Violins & Starships]

How to Avoid Crashing Into People at the Store

2012-02-12T10:19:00.002-06:00

You know how it is - you're in a crowded supermarket with narrow aisles, trying not to crash your cart into anyone else's as you weave your way to the back of the store (where they always hide the milk & meat & vegetables).

Then, inevitably, you see someone coming straight for you, they see you, and you both zig in the same direction, followed by an equally awkward zag, then you're both at a dead stop - the ol' Piggly Wiggly Mexican Standoff.

Simple solution: don't look at the other people, look at the gap where you want your cart to go.

People cue off where your eyes are looking to determine your directional intentions. If they see you're looking to the side of them, they'll know you're turning and continue straight instead of feeling the need to swerve to the side to avoid you.

I've been testing this for a while now, and it works so well I no longer even feel the need to schedule all my shopping to avoid the "when the old folks aren't there in droves" hours.

Vasquez Was an Exception (and a Fictional Character)

2012-02-10T09:00:00.002-06:00

From the Washington Times story on the Pentagon's decision to maintain the ban on women in combat:

"The current standards that exist for infantry, all men cannot meet those standards," [deputy undersecretary for military personnel policy Vee Penrod] said. "If the majority of women cannot serve in that [mission occupational specialty], the service secretary may restrict that [specialty]. That is with the Army."

Asked how the military knows women can't meet the standards without letting them try...

Answer: because there are no co-ed professional sports teams.

Sorry, PC social-experimenters, adding women doesn't make a group of men better at accomplishing tasks that revolve around strength and endurance.

[Title reference link]

Pushing Roses Down a Dark Path

2012-02-10T08:40:00.001-06:00

So, what's the next step down the sinister, slippery slope of crocheted chicken hats?

Vikings & Dwarves.

Exceptional

2012-02-09T08:01:00.000-06:00

From US News:

If the amount of ice lost between 2003 and 2010 covered the United States, the whole country would be under one-and-a-half feet of water, or it'd fill Lake Erie eight times, researchers say. Ocean levels worldwide are rising about six hundredths of an inch per year.

So... global warming alarmists want us to be concerned that this rising-water trend is a linear event, instead of a cyclical phase - unlike every single climate-related event in the history of the planet.

These jokers crack me up.

42 Saint Bernards

2012-02-08T09:35:00.000-06:00

Damn you, Stephen King, for making it impossible to watch this video without an uneasy twitch in your gut:

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #561,500)

If you're NOT a Stephen King reader, enjoy the cute & drooly goodness.

Who's On First: Mitt & Newt

2012-02-07T20:12:00.000-06:00

It's so easy to do mashups like this poorly, but the attention to detail makes this worth sharing.

Having seen Abbott & Costello do this routine a few times, I'd say the gestures are just about right, too.

[link courtesy of Bloggranddaughter VW Bug of One Happy Dog Speaks]:

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #135,055)

Counting Your Blessings

2012-02-06T20:58:00.001-06:00

Sweary bits, but here's a little perspective for folks that think life is hard:

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #19,803)

Personally, I got all the perspective I needed from my Navy days, living on an aircraft carrier for 4 years, where I had abour 12 cubic feet to store EVERYTHING I OWNED.

Which makes you think long and hard about what your priorities are.

Why I Won't Get a Tablet (UPDATED: 2-12-12)

2012-02-04T10:13:00.002-06:00

Full disclosure. I have a Kindle Touch, and I like it. But only because the only touching I have to do is a finger-motion very similar to turning the page in a book. Which is fine, because I got the Kindle specifically to save me the trouble of carrying large books around with me. It does this.

The reason I won't get a tablet is that touchscreen keyboards are impossible to use efficiently by a person trained (as I am) to type on a full-sized keyboard.

Yes, I've had people tell me they can do 20 wpm with hunt & peck, which is nice, but I do 50+ with a real keyboard, and I can't fathom downgrading that far, considering my very existence on this blog revolves around textual loquacity.

There is an excellent discussion on the problems with touchscreen typing at Tablet PC Review.

Short version: you can't rest your fingers on the keyboard, and you can't type a letter with your fingernail, not to mention lack of tactile & audio feedback.

Yes, I know I could get a tablet, then plug a keyboard into it, but then I might as well use a laptop.

Which I do.

And barring the invention of the "Holodeck 3D Reality Keyboard," probably always will.

UPDATE: Spockgirl offers a brilliant perspective on the deeper meaning of touchscreen technology

Scientific Atrocities

2012-02-04T09:51:00.003-06:00

Normally, the notion that there is such a thing as a "scientific moral dilemma" just makes me chortle.

Human cloning, designer embryos, radiated genetically enhanced foods, Skynet - whatever, bring it on. I say do it because WE CAN, and let the namby-pamby hand-wringers weep over it as they may

Today I found out that I *do* have a line, and science has just crossed it.

In an experiment that makes the pseudo-techno-jibber-jabber of the Matrix seem plausible, they've found a way to extract electrical power from living cockroaches, effectively strapping them down and turning them into living batteries.

This is an atrocity, and it offends me on a very visceral level.

Not THAT part... THIS part (emphasis mine):

According to the researchers, hailing from Case Western Reserve University, the little bugs aren't harmed in any way. The electronics that are used to create power can be removed from the insects with no lasting effects.

If you're not going to use them up until they die, then make cockroach Soylent Green out of them to feed to the other cockroaches, then science has no decency.

How About the Rest of the Chapter?

2012-02-03T09:12:00.001-06:00

Obama defends Obamacare with Proverbs 31:8 (NIV):

"It's ... about the biblical call to care for the least of these, for the poor, for those at the margins of our society," Obama said on Thursday. "To answer the responsibility we're given in Proverbs to 'speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute.'"

I respond with Proverbs 31:4 & 5:

Put down the glass and pick up the Constitution, Barack.

Solving the Puzzle

2012-02-01T23:50:00.001-06:00

Thousands of gun owners have pledged their participation, promising to spend a $2 bill at Starbucks to show their support for the company's common sense position [of allowing concealed carry weapons on premises]. The $2 question: should the TJ go in the barristas' tip jar or should we use it to pay for the coffee? Your thoughts?

Simple.

Stamp the $2 bill as seen below:

Then pick either option.

How to Take Things Out of Context

2012-02-01T23:33:00.002-06:00

Here's a headline for you:

Kansas GOP House Speaker 'Prays' That Obama's 'Children Be Fatherless And His Wife A Widow'

Yes, it's complete bullshit.

The accused man referred to Psalm 109:8:

"Let his days be few; and let another take his office "

The rabble-rousers at ThinkProgress, however, get their headline by quoting verses 9-12.

Which he didn't reference.

By the way, the 109:8 thing is NOT (as liberals will have you believe) unique to Obama. It's previously been quoted in reference to George W. Bush as early as 2004.

Finally, there's also a complaint that this same Republican forwarded a picture comparing Michelle to the Grinch and calling her Mrs. YoMama.

As a professional humorist, I've got two things to say about that.

"Mrs. YoMama" isn't particularly funny or clever. It sort of rhymes, and references a stereotypical black catchphrase, so it's comprehensible as an amateur's stab at humor, but it's just so random and clumsy that it doesn't work. It's as feeble as calling Barack "Dumbobama" because he has big ears. Doubly clumsy because Michelle IS a mama, and "yo mama" jokes are the province of black males insulting each other, not black women.

On the other hand, the Grinch reference is a fair cop:

As a purely visual gag, it works perfectly.

Eat the Romney Sandwich?

2012-02-01T23:13:00.001-06:00

Fine, if that Republican Kennedy gets the GOP nod, I won't pout & stay home.

I'll go vote to re-elect Paul Ryan (and whatever Republican is running against that rat-bastard Herb Kohl) & leave the Presidential spot blank.

Might even vote Obama out of spite, but I haven't decided yet.

Cigarettes for Asthmatics

2012-01-30T14:55:00.001-06:00

Richmond of One for the Road mentioned this to me the other night, and I found myself puzzled by the notion, since I'd fancied myself quite familiar with the dubious history of cigarettes, doctors, and advertising in America.

But I'd never heard of cigarettes for asthmatics.

Apparently I'd missed this:

"Dr. Whetzel’s Cigarettes for Asthmatics"

Offhand, I'm guessing the side-effects were probably no worse than epinephrine, albuterol, or whatever that crazy white powder in Advair is.

Darkness and Sunshine

2012-01-29T11:42:00.000-06:00

Some days you get so sick of whiny, spoiled people getting TV time that the "what if I was dying anyway, and I had a gun" fantasy starts running through your head.

This movie trailer's for you (violence, adult language, etc):

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #301)

But on good days, when you've counted your blessings and found the tally overwhelmingly on the plus side, you have the "what if I felt fully alive and could make somebody's day better" fantasy.

Here's yours:

[Vimeo direct link]

Showing Off, But Not Uncool

2012-01-26T14:17:00.001-06:00

I can't draw anything but stick-figures, but I understand, technically, the process artists use. They look at their target image, and - in their minds - reduce it to its component elements of line, curve, light, dark, and shade. Then they make their hands reproduce what's in their minds.

In theory quite simple, as elegant things often seem.

An artist is one who can make the elegant look not only simple, but easy.

In this case, painting with a basketball looks easy.

Don't think I'll try it, though:

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #190,112)

Quote of the Day

2012-01-24T19:26:00.000-06:00

From American Digest:

*Everyone* is unfairly rewarded, and punished, by the accidents of their births, and of their lives. The world is not fair. That's just the way it is. Trying to make the world less unfair can only be accomplished by making it unfair in some other way.

Amen.

Forget the world.

Just do what you need to do to give yourself the tools to overcome the particular unfairnesses that the world will throw at YOU.

Now With Handy Self-Parodying Feature

2012-01-24T08:04:00.000-06:00

From WLS, where they discussed Obama's impending State of the Union address [emphasis added].

The President emailed a video preview of his address to supporters over the weekend. In it, he promised a "blueprint for an American economy that's built to last," with the government assisting the private sector and individuals to ensure "an America where everybody gets a fair shot, everyone does their fair share and everybody plays by the same set of rules." And the President again will propose changes in the tax code so that the wealthy pay more.

Something Worse

2012-01-23T15:11:00.000-06:00

Every dad's nightmare is to have his precious little baby girl end up working a stripper pole.

Of course, some daddies wish the news were that good.

Rock Bottom

2012-01-23T14:06:00.000-06:00

Just watched "The French Connection".

Basically it's 90 minutes of Gene Hackman alternating between standing, walking and running.

Plus 14 minutes of the most improbable car chase I've ever seen.

I'm so numb with boredom that I'm gonna go cut myself now just so I can feel something.

If you're a filmmaker, and you want to make an awesome flick, just watch "The French Connection" and then do the exact opposite of everything you see.

Should be able to gross over $100 mil, easy.

Can't believe this piece of crap won "Best Picture".

Nah, Take the Gloves Off

2012-01-23T06:02:00.001-06:00

Full disclosure: I've been a big fan of John Hawkins' Right Wing News for a long time, and I'm on his blogger-polling email list.

I know him, I like him, and this time, I disagree with him.

Unless all four campaigns can get together and commit to a gentlemen's agreement to run positive campaigns from here on out, it's entirely possible that the winner of the primary will be so damaged that he may not be able to get the job done.

Yeah, I used to think that brutal primary fights led to weakened, damaged candidates, too.

Until 2008.

McCain had the nomination locked up in March. Then he just coasted into the convention.

Meanwhile, Hillary & Barack duked it out until June, with speculation all the way up into the actual Democrat Convention in August that Hillary might try pulling some wacky stunt to steal the nomination. Three months of mean commercials and cactus-spined soundbites. Two more months of vinegar and acrimony from bitter, jilted Hillary-followers.

I laughed a lot of smug, condescending laughs in those days, figuring they were just writing McCain's campaign ads for him.

The day after the election, I wasn't laughing any more.

I've since come to the conclusion that nothing that happens before the convention matters.

And probably nothing before October 1st.

The 24-hour news cycle has a very short memory, and even dedicated liberal news outlets can only beat a story for so long before it stops selling ads for them, forcing them to move on.

The short-attention-span, unengaged, "swing-voters" who provide the margin of victory in every election won't notice any of the mean & ugly things Newt says about Mitt & vice versa during the nomination process, because they don't start paying attention to politics until they're done passing out the Halloween candy.

So I say "GAME ON!" to the GOP - tear each other apart. At this point in the election cycle, it doesn't matter.

Glad to Be a Man

2012-01-22T18:41:00.001-06:00

Got ready to go out for breakfast this morning, and after spending 5 minutes making myself presentable, and waiting 30 more for my wife to do similarly, I began to suspect that this video had wider applications than just being a critique of the advertising industry:

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #252,390)

Rapidly Going Off on a Tangent

2012-01-20T09:53:00.001-06:00

I see that, while popping into Disney World to give a speech (and wreck a bunch of people's vacations because of the requisite security precautions), Obama had this to say about meeting Mickey Mouse:

"Nice to meet a world leader who has bigger ears than me!"

Which reminds me: I don't like Mickey Mouse.

It's nothing personal, it's just that I don't enjoy him as a cartoon character. Mostly because he's all cartoon, and no character.

Illustrating by way of contrast, let's look at the Warner Bros. stable:

Bugs Bunny
Daffy Duck
Porky Pig
Yosemite Sam
Elmer Fudd
Road Runner
Marvin the Martian

Think of any of those names, and you can probably quote a catchphrase and describe their habitual activities.

Which raises the questions:

What does Mickey Mouse say?
What does Mickey Mouse do?

Good luck with those.

Mickey is a flavorless, unmemorable, generic little puppet. As are all the other talking critters that populate his world.

Now, to be clear, I'm not bashing Disney - they've created a merchandising empire from these bland, pointless nothings. They're the Apple of animation. Good for them.

I'm also not saying the characters aren't "good". Millions of people adore them. That's wonderful, and I hold no resentment over that.

I'm just saying, I find them boring.

With the exception of Uncle Scrooge McDuck, who - despite being a borderline-racist-stereotype of a penny-pinching Scot - is basically an unapologetically greedy capitalist.

What's not to love?

FDR: American Badass

2012-01-18T09:21:00.000-06:00

Lots of swears, violence, and gore. Shoo the kiddies out of the room:

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #34,213)

I found this highly amusing, what with my twisted sense of humor and all, yet I can't shake the disturbing notion that this is how a lot of liberals actually view FDR.

And considering the sorry state of public education these days, I figure a lot of Occupy hipster douchebags will probably mistake this for a new Michael Moore documentary.

Now With Handy Self-Parodying Feature

2012-01-17T07:07:00.003-06:00

Sometimes, I'm amazed [emphasis added]:

Speakers at a Martin Luther King Jr. Day event in Burlington urged people to fight for justice and to embrace the growing MLK holiday tradition of serving others.

About 50 people gathered Monday in Burlington City Hall’s Contois Auditorium to mark the anniversary of the civil rights leader’s birthday, and to offer reflections about the importance of King’s legacy. Later, about a dozen people moved to a nearby bank to protest that it was open on the holiday.
[...]
Bank officials said last week that the MLK holiday is important, but the bank has traditionaly stayed open on the holiday to serve its customers’ needs.

Off the Milk Carton for 10 Seconds

2012-01-16T15:16:00.001-06:00

Long-lost blogson _Jon (formerly of We Swear) popped his head up briefly at Instapundit before falling off the grid again.

Good to know he's still using his super powers to make the internet a better place.

Wish he'd start blogging again, though...

62 Seconds to Naked Chicks

2012-01-16T14:46:00.001-06:00

From Awesomer:

Sebastian Schmieg took a single image and fed it into Google Image Search, then picked its top "similar image" over and over, gradually morphing through over 2950 images.

[Vimeo direct link]

Don't bother asking Mr. Owl how long it takes to get from a transparent png image to topless women, the answer is in the title of this post.

Surprisingly, though, it doesn't stay there very long, and reverts quickly to more conventional results.

Wrong Recording Device

2012-01-16T14:32:00.000-06:00

From FML:

Today, I went to see one of my favorite bands. When they started playing my favorite song I whipped out my video camera and sang along. As I was reviewing the video later, I realized that I couldn't even hear the band over my horrible singing. FML

The last band I saw was REO Speedwagon a couple years ago (and kudos to them for still having what they had 40 years ago, which they very much do). I couldn't tell you how many people I saw with their phones in the air making videos & taking pictures. Probably about half the crowd.

Friends, the point of live music is to cherish the sights and noise and vibrations and to be part of the positive feedback loop between the band and the mob in front of it.

If you're playing cinematographer instead, you're missing out on the whole point of the experience, and no amount of squinting at that tiny, grainy video with the tinny sound afterwards is going to make up for what you missed.

Put down the recording device and BE in your life for a while.

If you do it right, the image in your brain will always beat the one on your screen.

I Miss the Days When Her Ilk Felt Obligated to at Least TRY to Utter This Nonsense Discreetly

2012-01-12T08:42:00.001-06:00

I could not agree with Debbie less:

"There is nothing wrong with doing well. It's a goal we all aspire to. And we want everybody in America to do well. But we shouldn't have our tax policy exclusively focused on helping people already doing well do better. In America we should target our tax policy towards people who want to be lifted up."

This is very telling.

First, whenever you see a "but" in a politician's statement, it means that every statement that came before it should be ignored.

Second, she claims to believe that, currently, the sole purpose of American tax policy is to help people doing "well" do "better". And this makes her unhappy.

Conclusion: she wants tax policy to prevent you from ever doing "better" than what her cabal feels like defining as "well".

This woman would like to see a government-enforced earnings cap. In a free country.

Honey, this sort of malicious and arbitrary decree is why our ancestors broke from England. If this makes you uncomfortable, maybe this country isn't for you. There's plenty of other places on this planet under the thumb of pious nobility who request your obedience on bended knee. Try one of those.

Hi, My Name Is Harvey, and I'm an Addict

2012-01-11T23:22:00.000-06:00

Internet addict, that is.

Apparently, it's not that uncommon. Or leastwise it's right up there with homosexuality and left-handedness, statistically speaking.

But, yeah, back at my worst, I was posting at 6 different blogs. Not to mention that since 2003, I've got over 10,000 blog posts under my belt. Got yelled at at work for "being on the internet too much" a few times.

Of course, my addiction GOT me a couple jobs, too, so I guess one man's vice is another man's career move.

In fact, most obsessions are marketable. I mean, how much film you think Spielberg shot as "a hobby" before he cashed his first paycheck?

Ok, maybe not heroin addiction, but still, even junkies have at least developed a talent for raising a quick buck. All OWS types can do is bang on a bongo and make twinkles.

Anyway, it's under control(-ish) now, as I mostly only post 5x a week.

Still, I freely admit to having both a desktop and laptop running (connected to the internet and set to my Gmail page) 24 hours a day.

And with rationalizations like that, I guess I'm not even at step one.

New Guilty Pleasure

2012-01-10T09:36:00.002-06:00

I was in high school in the 80's, so that's supposed to be "my music," but I had no interest in the pop-music landscape of the era. I thought everything Madonna did was tedious, at best.

Being an angsty, bitter, nobody-understands-me teenager, though, I did enjoy some of the big-hair heavy metal stuff that came out. However, I did not approve of AC/DC's choice to replace dead lead singer Bon Scott with the gravelly-voiced Brian Johnson (although I've since come to terms with it). And I especially hated "You Shook Me All Night Long" - it was overplayed, and the guitar work was really sub-par.

Nevertheless, through the magic, I suppose, of nostalgia's beer-goggles, I found myself enjoying Rock Sugar's "Shook Me Like a Prayer" mashup.

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #235,308)

Don't know what to say, other than the production values are high, and these guy really seem to know what they're doing, musically speaking.

Ace of Spades HQ has some more of Rock Sugar's gems.

Say, speaking of weird pseudo-80's bands, there's also Steel Panther - whose thing seems to replacing those half-blatant - but FCC friendly - sexual metaphors that most bands use in their lyrics with language blunt enough to make a rapper blush.

Still, it's good tune-age if you like 80's hair-music.

See, It's Just Not Illegal ENOUGH

2012-01-07T16:38:00.002-06:00

Saw this ad on a random website, and found it rather amusing in its ignorance:

Um... it's already illegal for guns to be in the wrong hands. Does anybody think that the "wrong hands" people will be stopped by a second law any more than they were by the first one?

Wisconsin already passed the correct solution to wrong-hands gun-ownership: legalizing the arming of the law-abiding.

Worst. Pandering. Ever.

2012-01-06T17:35:00.001-06:00

How can you tell when Romney's angling to bamboozle a voting bloc whose values he doesn't share?

His lips are moving.

Or in this case, his tell-tale pretzel-knot-awkward use of the language (emphasis added):

"The National Labor Relations Board, now stacked with union stooges selected by the President, says to a free enterprise like Boeing, 'You can't build a factory in South Carolina because South Carolina is a Right to Work state.' That is simply un-American. It is political payback of the worst kind."

Sorry, Mittens, but "free enterprise" is an economic system, not a synonym for "private business".

This brilliant little gaffe just tells me what I already know: Romney doesn't know the meaning of the words "free enterprise".

Kinda reminds me of someone else who's unfamiliar with common English phrases.

Dang! Now I'm Hungry for Doritos

2012-01-06T17:25:00.000-06:00

This works on so many levels for me. Not sure why it didn't get voted #1. Probably the same reason Firefly got cancelled:

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #593,704)

Be Warned

2012-01-05T08:26:00.002-06:00

If your gal asks you if that dress makes her ass look fat, do NOT tell her "yes".

Because, according to the New York Times, that's racist:

Representative Jim Sensenbrenner, in a conversation overheard at Reagan National Airport in Washington, said of Michelle Obama: "She lectures us on eating right while she has a large posterior herself." He offered a lame apology, but as Mary C. Curtis put it on the Washington Post's new blog She the People: "Can you imagine how the incident would play out if an African American congressman made a crude remark about First Lady Laura Bush's body? It certainly would have taken more than an insincere apology to wash that sin away."

No Blood, No Tears

2012-01-04T23:31:00.004-06:00

Wanna see a feminist pop a blood vessel? Show 'em this:

The comments on the original post are priceless for proving that feminists have no sense of humor.

Which reminds me...

Q: How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: THAT'S NOT FUNNY!

Seriously, folks, as a semi-professional comedy-writer, I can tell you that "that's not funny" is always a lie. The correct criticism is "I don't think that's funny."

For the feminists who think "that's not funny", here's why it is:

Humor is a combination of truth and exaggeration.

If it's all exaggeration, it's a lie.

It's it's all truth, it's a physics textbook.

In this case, the truth is that physical injuries do sometimes require written documentation for legal purposes.

The exaggeration is that a verbal insult is the equivalent of a physical injury.

Sure, in an extreme case, slander may be more damaging than a paper-cut, but refusing to admit that not everyone will put the above document into that category qualifies you as willfully obtuse.

(See also)

Personal Preference

2012-01-04T22:40:00.000-06:00

#15 from this list of what this woman loves about men:

I love when a man knows what to say and what not to say to make a woman happy.

You want talking, not talking, and a happy woman?

Ok.

Tell her "shut up," then kiss her like you mean it.

Works pretty good at my house.

Conceding the Point

2012-01-04T17:52:00.000-06:00

When I want to go out and my wife starts fiddling with her make-up, I just tap my foot impatiently. I figure "what's the big deal? You look FINE. Let's GO, already!"

It's come to my attention, however, that makeup CAN make a huge difference.

Complaint withdrawn.

Except regarding my wife, who looks just FINE, so let's GO already!

Somehow Not Buying It

2012-01-04T17:46:00.000-06:00

So a bunch of 3rd graders perform a song about being in the "99 percent", and the adults in charge are claiming that the kids did it all on their own:

"Students aren't told what to write by either school officials or by the people associated with Kid Pan Alley," he said. "I've talked with teachers and they tell me you'd be amazed at how creative a lot of children are these days - even younger than that."

"I've spoken with the Kid Pan Alley people, the principal and they all say the same thing - kids aren't told what to write and you would be surprised or amazed at how creative and how thoughtful children even at that age are," he said.

When I was in 3rd grade, I was 9 years old. I'm not sure where I was exactly in math, but I know I didn't have my multiplication tables memorized until 4th grade, so I'm guessing I probably didn't have a firm grasp on percentages.

As for wealth divisions... I understood from TV that some people had more money than others, but having a grasp of "fairness of wealth distribution"? Nah.

So... resentment over the "unfairness" of it? Inconceivable.

So when they claim the third graders "picked the topic" - I'm calling bullshit.

What happened is that the adults in charge picked the topic, took the 9-year-olds' lack of strenuous objections as approval, and plowed ahead with the project, giving them great, heaping scoops of "editorial suggestions" along the way.

Like this part:

"Couldn’t make life rhyme
Then the bubble burst"

Yes, because 9-year-olds are very concerned with the work-family balance and whether it "rhymes", not to mention being desperately worried about economic bubbles collapsing.

Or would be if they know what "work-family balance" and "economic bubbles" were.

Mix It & Burn It, Please

2012-01-02T14:10:00.000-06:00

There are two kinds of Denver omelets in the world:

The kind where the added bits are mixed throughout the egg, the only thing in the middle is the cheese, and the outside is a light golden brown.

And the kind with all the bits in the middle, the cheese on top, and the eggs barely solid.

I got the second kind from my local Perkins. I'm never going back.

I got the first kind this morning from an unremarkable-looking place called Sophia's in Beloit, Wisconsin.

God bless small-town cookin'.

I Should've Seen This Before

2012-01-02T13:51:00.001-06:00

[Vimeo direct link]

I'm not saying this is great comedy - probably just a solid C+ - but Saturday Night Live should've beaten this particular humor-horse to death years ago. To my knowledge, they've never touched it.

It frustrates me that a topic so ripe for mockery has gotten a free pass from "professional comedians" for so many years.

Buncha PC pansies.

Random New Year's Gratitude

2012-01-01T03:08:00.000-06:00

To the Blogger comment spam-filter.

On my little blog, it rarely misses, and is even stingier with handing out false positives. I swear it runs about 99% on both sides.

I wish my Netflix movie-rating AI was this accurate.

By which I mean that Eastern Promises turned out to be so godawful that I quit half-way through.

They promised me it was a 3.5!

By the way, my star-rating system is:

1 - stinks like Satan's farts. I regret watching even the first second of this.

2 - I either quit because I didn't care what happened to the characters, or I finished and I want those 2 hours of my life back.

3 - I don't regret watching it, but I wouldn't watch it again.

4 - I'd watch this again.

5 - I will watch this anywhere, anytime - big, steaming bucket o'awesome!

Conditional Love

2011-12-31T00:36:00.001-06:00

Gotta say I love me some "Sons of Anarchy".

Also gotta say those impenetrable Irish accents in season 3 REALLY needed subtitles.

Revenge

2011-12-29T07:24:00.002-06:00

Offended by "Piss Christ"?

Here's a little payback: "Teabag Dinosaur"

Gee, Harv, Why Don't You Have Kids?

2011-12-29T01:50:00.000-06:00

Because I knew they'd turn out to be ungrateful, spoiled little sewer-rats. Much like these (all kinds o' swearies in this):

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #171,548)

A Lot of Both

2011-12-28T07:26:00.002-06:00

Via Abstruse Goose, this is simultaneously the most depressing and most inspiring chart you'll ever see.

Big picture: we are bricks.

When it comes to hearing, most animals have us beat all over the place. And we may have the advantage of color vision, but we're pretty low on visual acuity for a predator species.

Add in a third dimension to that graph - smell - our chunk of the sensory pie starts looking pretty damn gloomy by comparison.

BUT...

There is not one single part of that graph that humans can not reach out to with mechanical devices and bring into our little chunk of the spectrum, if we so choose.

Because, unlike other animals, we KNOW we're limited by our senses.

And we decided to do something about it.

Like I said - inspiring.

One More Episode Syndrome

2011-12-27T23:23:00.000-06:00

This never used to happen before it became common practice to release every single TV series on DVD

But now that it's a "normal" thing, I'm guessing it's happened to everyone with a Netflix subscription, and maybe even a few Hulu users.

For me & the Mrs., it's "Dexter". It usually starts with "just one episode, then bed." Followed by "well, it's not THAT late - just one more." Followed by the ever popular, "well, that was a cliff-hanger, so we'll just START the next episode to find out what happens."

Followed (etc) until the dawn glows red in the east.

So... what's your DVD addiction?

The Old White Guy Who Played Blues Like an Even Older Black Guy

2011-12-27T23:13:00.001-06:00

I was prepared to not be impressed.

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #208,881)

30 seconds in, I was hugging my whisky, nodding my head, and feeling that strange mix of sad-happy that really good blues music always makes me feel.

Camp

2011-12-25T10:11:00.000-06:00

Defined as:

"an aesthetic sensibility that regards something as appealing because of its taste and ironic value. The concept is closely related to kitsch, and things with camp appeal may also be described as being "cheesy"."

see also:

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #76,974)

So bad that it rises to the level of genius. Even worse, it's impossible to resist the temptation to show this to everyone you know who likes Star Trek.

Thus, this post.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Just Asking

2011-12-22T11:44:00.000-06:00

So... isn't it kinda racist to make the black guy carry the pizzas?

Nice Sentiment, But He's Lying

2011-12-22T07:24:00.001-06:00

Normally, I'd give this a big thumbs up:

[YouTube direct link]

but the guidelines he refers to that prohibit specific holiday greetings only apply to messages that are mailed out. And only if the postage is paid for by the taxpayer.

So, he's not a brave, anti-PC crusader, just a politician doing a publicity stunt before an election.

Merry Christmas anyway, Scott.

Yeah, It's About Zombies

2011-12-19T09:07:00.002-06:00

"Too Late" by Side Films.

Gotta warn you, I thought the make-up effects were pretty grisly. Then again, scenes of fingernail removal always make me wince hard. That was absolutely my least favorite scene in "The Fly".

[Vimeo direct link]

I must say, I'm not a huge fan of the whole zombie genre, but I like where this one went.

Heartwarming

2011-12-17T17:34:00.001-06:00

Via A Trainwreck in Maxwell:

Naughty child doesn't have a train ticket, argues about it, loses.

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #1,735,791)

Bonus for Scottish accents so thick they need subtitles.

Let Me Know If You Were The Other One

2011-12-15T11:35:00.001-06:00

Via Very Demotivational:

I only post this because I was one of the two people in America who paid money to see Chopping Mall in the theater.

Yeah, I'm a Hater

2011-12-15T11:28:00.001-06:00

Via Regretsy - Why Edward Really Stayed With Bella:

Let the Complaining Begin

2011-12-15T11:23:00.000-06:00

This is actually a very clever and entertaining synopsis of television programming's "progress" since 1949:

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #17,923)

However, it will inevitably lead to loud cries of "I can't believe they didn't mention __________!"

So go ahead and start filling in the blank, because it'll drive you crazy not to.

THE BRADY BUNCH!

...there, I feel better now.

Probably Too Late Already

2011-12-15T11:04:00.000-06:00

It's got over 3 million views, but it's only 3 days old, and not EVERYONE on the planet is on Facebook, so maybe you haven't seen this yet:

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #3,557,665)

My alternative title for this: "Why Women Annoy the Crap Out of Me"

Liar

2011-12-15T08:14:00.002-06:00

From The Hill:

Obama's campaign website now offers donors a chance to enter the name and email of "a Republican in your life" that will be used to "send them a message letting them know they inspired you to donate."

Ben LaBolt, the Obama campaign's press secretary, tweeted later on Wednesday that "the email addresses are not stored."

Bullshit.

Those email addresses will be right there in the "sent mail" folder, along with the email addresses of every recipient of an email from the campaign.

And they're quite possibly sortable by subject line - they just need to do a search for "your liberal asshole 'friend' fingered you" [or however they finally decide to phrase it].

If Ben LaBolt had said they didn't specifically tuck those email addresses away in a separate database, I'd believe that, but that's not what he said.

Thus the title of this post.

Alive

2011-12-14T16:57:00.001-06:00

Saw this picture at American Digest:

And for some reason my brain immediately answered "yes".

Here's when:

Back in the late 1980's, I was in the Navy, stationed on board the Enterprise, which at the time was home-ported in Alameda, California (fans of Star Trek IV may remember this). I didn't own a car at the time. I got everywhere I needed to go via bicycle. The Bay Area has a nice public transportation system, (Bay Area Rapid Transit, or BART trains) which allowed you to bring your bike on board.

The problem was that Alameda was an island separated from Oakland by 1000 feet of water, and the nearest BART station was in Oakland.

However, there's a mile-long tunnel under the water called the Posey Tube. The road was two narrow, shoulderless lanes, and biking that would've been instant death. However, the Posey Tube also had a pedestrian walkway. So I'd ride my bike on that.

Couple things you should know: it's only about 4 feet wide, and it goes downhill for half a mile, then uphill for half a mile.

And what I used to do was coast down that half mile full speed without touching the brakes, probably going about 30 mph, with a wall a foot from one hand, and a rail a foot from the other. If I sneezed or flinched or hit a pebble, I'd have been broken and bleeding.

But oh God, I felt so alive.

Anyway, I'm not the only lunatic on the planet, and this lunatic had a camera. Probably want to jump ahead to the 1:30 mark, as he gets ready to enter the Tube itself.

At about 2:45, he gets stuck behind a jogger and you get a feel for how really narrow the walkway is:

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #869)

Side note: I never met anyone coming the other way on my trips, but I did get stuck behind someone once. It's so deafeningly loud in there from the traffic that I couldn't get his attention. I walked for 10 minutes.

I'm OK With It

2011-12-14T16:26:00.000-06:00

When I first saw this headline:

U.S. Proposes Unmanned U.S.-Mexico Border Crossing

I thought "Great. Way to undermine border security."

After considering it, though, it's probably a good idea, or at least not a bad one.

This thing will have cameras, it'll be monitored, and it'll make life easier for law-abiding people who have their passports.

I think of it as being like a self-checkout lane at the grocery store.

Sneaky illegal types & smugglers will still cross elsewhere so they aren't seen at all. The existence of the proposed border crossing won't affect them one way or another.

The Man Has a Point

2011-12-14T16:19:00.000-06:00

Being a "yoga fan" myself, I gotta agree with this guy.

[Caution: contains the word "tits". Turn down the volume or be alone.]

[ebaum direct link]

Oh, and my personal opinion is this video should've stopped at 1:33. It's like the writers had no idea how to end the sketch, panicked, and tacked that pointless tripe on to pad the video out to 2 minutes.

Before that, though... awesome.

Just Say No to Shiny Clutter

2011-12-13T11:31:00.002-06:00

From Very Demotivational:

Honestly, I'd rather play Doom than Halo.

UPDATE: On a related note...

Boiling Away

2011-12-13T07:57:00.001-06:00

This sentence by Harry Reid just struck me:

"Only a tiny fraction of people making more than a million dollars, probably less than one percent, are actually small business owners and only a tiny fraction of that tiny fraction is a traditional job creator."

Interest word choices here:

* "probably" less than 1%: he has no idea what the number is

* "small" business owners - he wants you to think a mom & pop store that barely scrapes by, but by SBA rules, "small" can mean up to 1500 employees and $27 million in sales.

* "traditional" job creator: if you're not "traditional," you don't count (although he doesn't explain why not - other than to lower the number). I assume that's his way of discounting everyone who uses a computer during work hours, but he never defines the word.

So when you boil down his words to find out what he actually said, you find it has no solid meaning. It all simply goes to steam and fog and drifts away without substance.

Can You Find It?

2011-12-11T03:13:00.001-06:00

The Puppy Blender pops an interesting topic: can you find your flashlight in a blackout?

I once got caught in a blackout with no damn idea where my nearest non-120VAC light-source was.

Since then I've got flashlights scattered about the house like freakin' cat toys (and I've got 5 cats, so that should tell you something.)

Went to Amazon & got 7 of these bad boys (to qualify for free shipping). They even come with free batteries, and they'll stay lit for about 24 hours straight. Put one next to everywhere you normally sit in the house, and a power outage will never be a problem for you.

Not Wishing You a Happy Hanukkah

2011-12-09T21:31:00.001-06:00

Look, I'm not Jewish, and I grew up in a small town in Wisconsin, so I never even met any Jews while I was growing up.

But here's the deal.

If I were to celebrate Hanukkah for some reason, I'd do it right. By doing it on the right days, lighting the candles the right way, saying the magic Hanukkah words, eating magic Hanukkah food (which is, I assume, what Jews do for 8 days - honestly, I don't know any more about this holiday than non-SWPL white people know about Kwanzaa).

I would NOT celebrate it 2 weeks early and light all the candles at once.

Apparently President Obama doesn't have as much of a problem with being an asshole.

So I think I'm leaning towards Doug Urbanski's explanation:

"Obama celebrated Hanukkah at the White House two weeks early. Is this his way of winking at his Islamofascist friends, saying 'I hate Israel with you'?"

What the Hell?

2011-12-08T17:47:00.002-06:00

Now they're comparing Obama to Teddy Roosevelt?

I've heard the media compare him to Lincoln, Wilson, Coolidge, Hoover, FDR, Truman, Kennedy, Reagan and Clinton now.

Funny how they keep skipping over the only one-term, peanut-farming bastard his Presidency actually bears a resemblance to.

UPDATE 12-13: I said it a lot pithierly than VDH, the bloviating, over-rated hack.

Courtesy Linkage

2011-12-08T10:21:00.001-06:00

John Hawkins of Right Wing News did a survey on the GOP 2012 field, in which I participated:

1) If you had to pick a 2012 GOP contender today, which of the following candidates would you select?

Newt Gingrich - he talks too much without saying anything, and he's wobbly on principles, but he's enough of a political animal that the Tea Party folks in Congress will be able to keep him in line, because that's the way the political winds are blowing, and Newt's a windsock.

2) Which candidate would you LEAST like to see as the GOP nominee in 2012?

Mitt Romney - Might as well re-elect Obama.

3) If your top choice couldn't get the nomination, which candidate would be your second choice?

Rick Perry - another "pressurable politician". Plus he sounds like he just kinda hates Democrats in general, so listening to his speeches would be fun.

4) Do you consider Newt Gingrich to be a conservative?

Yes - but not necessarily a wise or principled one.

5) Do you consider Ron Paul to be a conservative?

Yes - to the degree that a libertarian can fall into that category

6) Do you consider Mitt Romney to be a conservative?

No - actually HELL no.

7) If you had to choose between Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney, which candidate would you select?

Newt Gingrich

8) Which candidate do you think would be more likely to beat Barack Obama in 2012?

Newt Gingrich - I'm not saying Mitt, because Mitt's a worse "conservative" than John McCain was, and Romney couldn't even beat HIM.

Schadenfreude

2011-12-08T06:13:00.001-06:00

I've mentioned I'm not an Apple fan. So when I read that they're getting screwed over by China because "Steve E. Jobs - Super Genius" forgot to buy the trademark for "iPad" from it's rightful owner, I have to admit my reaction was very much something like this:

[YouTube direct link]

Seriously, Though, It's Time

2011-12-07T21:29:00.000-06:00

Via CBS:

The U.S. Postal Service on Monday morning announced major budget and service cuts.

As a result of the $3 billion in cuts, first-class mail that used to take just one day to deliver will now take two to three days. Stamps will also rise in cost by 1 cent to 45 cents, starting next month.

Really?

Nobody's talking about the elephant in the room?

Nobody's even going to whisper the words "legalize the private delivery of first-class mail"?

Nobody's going to suggest that it's WAY past time to let FedEx and UPS get into the letter-delivery business?

Fine. Then I won't either.

Clarification

2011-12-07T21:26:00.001-06:00

From CNS News:

The man pushing to get the military to install "atheist chaplains" in the armed forces told government-subsidized National Public Radio that military officers should not be praying with their men before going out on missions.

As a non-evangelical atheist, I'd like to take this opportunity to distance myself from this asshole. He does not speak for me.

Don't believe if you don't believe, but there's no excuse for not showing courtesy to those who do.

Super Smart!

2011-12-07T21:19:00.000-06:00

From The Sun:

A HEADTEACHER got a roasting yesterday for turning the school heating OFF on one of the coldest days of the year — to save the planet.

Pupils shivered in coats, hats and scarves as temperatures fell to just 1°C (34°F).

Head Rob Benzie switched off the radiators to show how the secondary school could cut its carbon footprint.
[...]
Mr Benzie said he hoped for another eco-day next term, adding: "I'd like it to be a regular event. We have too much heating — sometimes I have to turn it down as it can make students fall asleep.

"The idea was actually thought up by a small number of pupils from our student eco-group."

The reason we have schools is so that adults can pass their knowledge on to children.

Part of the that knowledge is "turning off the heat in December is a stupid idea".

Every last one of those eco-group smarties should've been ruler-swatted by irritable nuns for even speaking the notion aloud.

After which Rob Benzie should've gotten the rulers as suppositories.

Yes, We Know. No, We Don't Care

2011-12-07T21:05:00.000-06:00

Least important news of the day:

A new study shows many breakfast cereals pack so much sugar, they're more like desserts.

Big deal. They've also been fortified with a ton of vitamins & minerals, and kids will actually eat the stuff.

Not to mention the free toys.

The Environmental Working Group can go stuff it's busybody nanny-nose into a barrel of tofu and snort until it dies of malnutrition.

Which won't take long, since tofu is pretty much empty calories with no significant nutritional value.

Sorta Cool

2011-12-06T06:57:00.001-06:00

I'm not usually a big fan of "real life versions of cartoon characters", but I'm a huge fan of Futurama, so this would be the exception.

Dr. Zoidberg looks vaguely menacing with pointy face-tentacles, but Nibbler's still a cutie-pie.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

2011-12-05T23:31:00.001-06:00

Via Very Demotivational, I want this for Christmas:

Not necessarily the Lego version.

This Is Why I Hate Apple Products

2011-12-04T23:08:00.000-06:00

Via Very Demotivational:

Pay particular attention to those bottom 2 lines.

And the fact that Microsoft's stock price has never recovered from those repeated Government-administered beatings.

Ok, it's also why I hate my government.

Get Your ThinkPad's Green Volume Bar Back

2011-12-03T17:49:00.002-06:00

This post is mostly for my own reference, but since I had a bitch of a time Googling this up, there may be other people with the same problem. Hopefully they'll find this post instead of poking fruitlessly at half a dozen forums like I had to.

If your ThinkPad's on-screen volume indicator bar has disappeared (or has never shown up), then you probably just need to download the Hotkey driver from Lenovo.

Download
Install
Run Setup from the installation destination folder
Restart
Rejoice at having an on-screen volume indicator bar.

FOOTNOTES:

Hotkey driver for Windows 98/Me/NT 4.0/2000/XP - ThinkPad
The following ThinkPad systems are supported:

- A20m, A20p, A21m, A21p, A22m, A22p
- A30, A30p, A31, A31p
- G40(*5), G41(*4)
- R30, R31, R32
- R40, R40e(*2)
- R50(*4), R50e(*4), R50p(*4), R51(*4), R51e(*4), R52(*4)
- s31(*2)
- T20, T21, T22, T23
- T30(*3)
- T40(*1), T40p(*4), T41(*1), T41p(*4), T42(*1), T42p(*4)
- T43(*6), T43p(*4)
- X22, X23, X24
- X30(*1), X31(*1), X32(*6)
- Z60m(*4), Z60t(*4)

(Note) *1: Windows Me is not supported.
*2: Windows XP is supported.
*3: Windows Me is supported on 2366/2367-x1x, x2x, x3x, x4x,
x5x, A6x and A7x except for M1x, M2x, M3x, M4x and M5x
*4: Windows 2000 and XP are supported.
*5: Windows 98SE, 2000 and XP are supported.
*6: Windows NT4, 2000 and XP are supported.
*7: Only Windows XP Tablet PC Edition 2005 is supported.

Right Fact, Wrong Conclusion

2011-12-02T08:28:00.001-06:00

From a Wall Street Journal piece arguing that America needs more government controls:

The current debates about China's currency, the trade imbalance, our debt and China's excessive use of pirated American intellectual property are evidence that the Global Revolution-coupled with Deng Xiaoping's government-led, growth-oriented reforms-has created the planet's second-largest economy. It's on a clear trajectory to knock America off its perch by 2025.

Um... China has 4 times our population, yet economically, they're still in a VERY distant second place. Shouldn't that be considered evidence that their economic system is a pile of crap?

Commie apologists make me sick.

Seriously, WSJ, why are you giving this moron Andy Stern the time of day, much less column-inches?

Joe the Plumber Shrugged

2011-11-29T08:14:00.001-06:00

Can't read this:

Union Pacific struggles to find enough electricians who have worked with diesel engines. Manufacturers in many places can't find enough machinists. Oil companies must fight for a limited supply of drilling-rig workers.

"There's a tremendous shortage of skilled workers," said Craig Giffi, a vice chairman of the consulting firm Deloitte. A recent survey it did found that 83% of manufacturers reported a moderate or severe shortage of skilled production workers to hire.

Without thinking of this:

"Give us men!" The plea began to hammer progressively louder upon the desk of the Unification Board, from all parts of a country ravaged by unemployment, and neither the pleaders nor the Board dared to add the dangerous words which the cry was implying: "Give us men of ability!" There were waiting lines years' long for the jobs of janitors, greasers, porters and bus boys; there was no one to apply for the jobs of executives, managers, superintendents, engineers.

I Die a Little Inside Every Time I See Him Rescue That Sleigh

2011-11-29T06:31:00.000-06:00

Speaking of good mashups - Darth Vader as The Grinch:

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #31,295)

I'm not sure if this is actually as good as I think it is, or if I'm prejudiced because I just LOVE hearing Thurl Ravenscroft sing that song.